Into the Woods ★★★

the following is a leaked email from IntoTheWoodsProducer1@disney.com to IntoTheWoodsProducer2@disney.com, recovered in the Sony hack:

MOVIE MUSICAL CHECKLIST, or: HOW TO DIRECTLY PIGGYBACK ON THE SUCCESS OF THE LES MIS MOVIE

✅ adapt an old ass musical that works better onstage

✅ swap out practical effects for insanely obvious CGI

✅ hire maximum 2 actors with actual experience on broadway
[i hear chris pine has never even HEARD of into the woods! perfect!]

✅ speaking of which, get that child actor who played gavroche. yes that EXACT same kid

✅ slow down the music, bring it down several octaves so the inexperienced actors can keep up

✅ run an insane best supporting actress campaign
[for emily blunt, obviously. oh, what's that? oh, even better.]

❌ sing live
[yeah even we, the producers of into the woods (2014), aren't that stupid]

✅ trim the fat*!
[*meaning like 65% of the original; they won't notice!]

✅ force [insert actress name] to become a soprano no matter the outcome
[i'm sure it won't be THAT painful]

✅ release it christmas day
[nothing says happy holidays like loud, upsetting musical theatre]

virtual high five! time to make two hundred million dollars