adrianbalboa’s review published on Letterboxd:
fun challenge: im gonna type as much of the opening scene as i can from memory. now i don’t have any way of proving that im not cheating but does anyone really have any doubts
did you know that there are more people with genius IQs living in china than there are people of any kind living in the united states? that can’t possibly be true. it is. well what would account for that? well first of all an awful lot of people live in china but—here’s my question: how do you distinguish yourself from a group of people who all got 1600s on their SATs? i didn’t know they take SATs in china. they don’t i wasn’t talking about china anymore i was talking about me. you got a 1600? i could sing in an a cappella group, but i can’t sing—does that mean you actually got nothing wrong? i could row crew, i could invent a $25 PC— or you could get into a final club. or i could get into a final club. you know from a woman’s perspective sometimes not singing in an a cappella group is a good thing. this is serious. on the other hand i do like guys who row crew. well...i can’t do that. i was kidding! and yes i got nothing wrong. have you ever tried? im trying right now. to row crew? to get into a final club, to row crew, are you like...whatever, delusional? maybe it’s just sometimes you say two things at once im not sure which one im supposed to be aiming at. but you’ve seen guys who row crew right? no! well they’re bigger than me, they’re world class athletes, and a second ago you said you liked guys who row crew so i assumed you had met one. i guess i just meant i like the idea of them the way a girl likes cowboys. ...ok. should we get something to eat? would you like to talk about something else? no it’s just since the beginning of the conversation about finals clubs i think i may have missed a birthday. there are really more people with genius IQs living in china than there are people of any kind living in— the fly club is the most diverse, the phoenix—roosevelt punched the porc. which one? the porcellian? the porc? it’s the best of the best. which roosevelt? theodore. is it true they send a bus around to pick up girls who wanna party with the next fed chairman? [fed chairman? that might not be right but i only know it phonetically] so you can see why it’s so important to get in. well, which one is the easiest to get into? ...why would you ask me that? i was just asking. none of them! that’s the point. my friend eduardo made over $300,000 betting oil futures one summer and he won’t come close to getting in, the idea of making money doesn’t impress anyone. must be nice. he made $300,000 in a summer? he likes meteorology. you said it was oil futures. if you can predict the weather you can predict the price of heating oil. but i think you asked me which one was the easiest one because you think that’s the one where i’ll have the best chance. i—what? you asked me which was the easiest one because you think that’s the one where i’ll have the best chance. the one that’s the easiest to get into would be the one where anybody has the best chance. the one that’s the easiest to get into would be the one where anybody has the best chance— you didn’t ask me which one was the best one, you asked me which was the easiest one. i was honestly just asking, okay, i was just asking to ask, MARK, im not speaking in code! [mark says something here. i don’t remember it now, i’ll come back later] [edit: i didn’t] you’re obsessed with finals clubs. you have finals clubs OCD and you need to see someone about it who will prescribe you some sort of medication, you don’t care if the side effects may include blindness! FINAL clubs. not FINALS clubs. and there’s a difference between being obsessed and being motivated. yes...there is. well, you do, that was cryptic, so you do speak in code. i don’t mean to be cryptic. im just saying i need to do something substantial to get the attention of the clubs. why? because they’re exclusive! and fun. and they lead to a better life. teddy roosevelt didn’t get elected president because he was a member of the phoenix club. he was a member of the porcellian and yes, he did! well why don’t you just concentrate on being the best YOU you can BE? did you really just say that? i was kidding. although just because something’s trite doesn’t make it any less true. i think you should try being a little bit more supportive, because if i get in i will be taking you to the events and the gatherings and you’ll get to meet a lot of people you wouldn’t normally get a chance to meet. ...you would do that for me? we’re dating. ok...well im gonna try and be straightforward with you and let you know that we’re not anymore. what do you mean? we’re not dating anymore, im sorry. is this a joke? no! its not. you’re breaking up with me? you’re gonna introduce me to people i wouldn’t normally get the chance to meet what the f— what is that supposed to mean? settle down. what is it supposed to mean? erica the reason we’re able to sit here and drink right now is because you used to sleep with the door guy. the door guy, his name is bobby, i have not SLEPT with the door guy, the door guy is a friend of mine, and he is a perfectly good class of people. and what part of long island are YOU from? wimbledon? hang on— im going back to my dorm. wait. is this real? yes!
[more apologies here. i don’t remember what they are exactly. also im typing this on my phone and my thumbs are starting to hurt]
because it is exhausting, dating you is like dating a stairmaster! [mark says something here] i was just saying that you go to BU, i was stating a fact, and if it seemed rude then of course i apologize. i have to go study. you don’t have to study! why do you keep saying i don’t have to study? BECAUSE YOU GO TO BU! do you wanna get some food? im sorry you are not sufficiently impressed with my education. and im sorry i don’t have a rowboat so we’re even. i think we should just be friends. i don’t want friends. i was just being polite i have no intention of being friends with you. [mark makes an excuse about being under pressure by a computer(?) class] you are probably going to be a very successful computer person. but you’re going to go through life thinking that girls don’t like you because you’re a nerd. and i want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, that that won’t be true. it’ll be because,
YOURE AN ASSHOLE!
thanks for skimming. Gotta blast