agamboi has written 12 reviews for films rated ★½ during 2019.

  • The Most Beautiful Man in the World

    The Most Beautiful Man in the World

    ★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    false advertising

  • The God

    The God

    ★½

    It took an embarrassingly long time for the premise to become clear to me

  • The Plagiarists

    The Plagiarists

    ★½

    Milwaukee Film Festival 2019

    Boring, incoherent, bland, and anti-creative, the low-budget indie The Plagiarists is too self-conscious and thinks its humor is way more humorous and ironic than it really was. Many times I was in pain watching The Plagiarists. Many times. Avoid.

  • Tall Girl

    Tall Girl

    ★½

    Watched this with a half dozen straight guys and they all went CRAZY for the tall girl!!!!! Incredible!!!!!

  • The Seafarers

    The Seafarers

    ★½

    Painful and not very Kubrick

  • Going Spanish

    Going Spanish

    ★½

    Well this was just awful.

  • Fuck You

    Fuck You

    ★½

    Chicago Critics Film Festival 2019

    This piece of shit rape drama was infuriating on every level. She is not a champion of women’s power or independence (as the final song would suggest) for stringently pressuring her straight boyfriend to perform oral sex on a dildo. As a gay man I was fucking UPSET at the message that “look we’re breaking heteronormativity!” when really what is depicted is “breaking” a straight boy’s heterosexuality. Let straight people be straight! Don't James Charles them! Fuck You was the worst film to grace the screen at this festival.

  • Barbie and the Diamond Castle

    Barbie and the Diamond Castle

    ★½

    They didn’t sing the “I’m a Barbie Girl” song ☹️

  • 12 Rounds

    12 Rounds

    ★½

    Can John Cena act? No, he can’t. Does that matter in a film like 12 Rounds? No, it doesn’t. 

    The plot contains so many holes and the action scenes are so random and disjointed that you’d not think this movie would exist. But by having the antagonist be a brilliant mastermind! Who planned e-ver-y-thi-ng out in advance! And who organizes his charades into discrete rounds! There is no longer any need for cohesive plot action or sensible plot connections. In…

  • Two for the Money

    Two for the Money

    ★½

    *Matthew McConaughey voice* Oooo bogey!

    Meandering and unfocused plot, poor acting from Pacino and Russo, and very poor editing. A bad soundtrack that was also not integrated into the scenes well, and a script that HAD to have been a first draft. Dialogue cut way too fast which created unnatural and awkward scenes. Baffling artistic decisions all around.

    One sequence that was particularly excruciating on a technical level was when Pacino and Russo were rotating to the slow dance music…

  • I Believe in Unicorns

    I Believe in Unicorns

    ★½

    The “graphic design is my passion!!!” meme as a film. Acting sucked, plot didn’t or wasn’t supposed to make sense, cinematography was super extra, the sex was filthy, repugnant, even in the early scenes that weren’t trying to be. Such a ridiculous attempt at capital a Art that nothing else matters. Chiastic structure, some okay (but still unnecessary) stop motion, and a mercifully short runtime were all that worked.

  • Gotti

    Gotti

    ★½

    I really did vibe with this movie, but that only makes me hate myself more, not hate Gotti less. Unlike every other Mob Movie to come before it, Gotti is not interesting. It features only two clever scenes — a fun bar fight, and a mob initiation ceremony written to allude to the Baptism of Christ — surrounded by hours upon hours upon hours of lame exposition. By "hours upon hours upon hours" I mean 1 hour and 45 minutes,…