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  • Donald Trump's The Art of the Deal: The Movie

    Donald Trump's The Art of the Deal: The Movie

    ½

    And I thought the British were fucking stupid! By the way guys, you do realize that voting for this cunt means that I'm going to get deported, right? So much for Hollywood ever being Great Again!

    Actually, maybe it's for the better that I get deported, because America clearly deserves to fucking burn and so does everyone in it.

  • Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk

    Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk

    ★★

    This would have been so much better if I'd directed it, instead of that hack Ang Lee (or should I say... Hack Pee???). I swear, it's like I'm the only person in Hollywood who can actually advance technology forward in an artistic way instead of turning it into a gimmick for a dumb, badly-written movie!

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  • The Hateful Eight

    The Hateful Eight

    ★★

    Tarantino is such a ridiculously self-indulgent man. I wish he'd learn some fucking humility.

  • Birdman

    Birdman

    ★★★★★

    And so, it comes down to this: I, Alejandro González Iñárritu, director of such esteemed classics as Birdman and The Revenant, have been challenged by a user called "Joey" to do the seemingly impossible: to write a review, a long, detailed, and genuinely well-written one, within a single sentence; and as much as many people may think that this is an impossible task, I, Alejandro González Iñárritu, do solemnly swear that it is not an impossible task, it is in…