ashleigh!’s review published on Letterboxd:
She looks at you and sees the world. She sees someone who makes her feel safe, someone she’s happy around. You look at her and realize that you’re in love. Not with her, but with the feeling she gives you.
She’s a dreamer. She wants the world to someday live in perfect harmony. She daydreams about her life, and has it all mapped out. She wants to be an ideal person more than anything, she wants someone to love her. You saw the opportunity and took it.
You’ve been lonely your whole life. Nobody has ever really paid you any mind. Then here she comes. You can’t believe she even gave you a second look. She’s ditzy, she’s pretty, she’s sexual, she’s sweet. But you don’t love her. You never could. Not the way she needs, not the way she deserves.
You want her to believe you do, though. You like hearing her say she trusts you. That you’re her best friend in this whole world. You don’t care about the things she has to say to you, but you listen, because she’ll be listening to you in return. You don’t love her. You love the way she feeds your ego. You pretend to care about her hobbies. You pretend you think she’s funny. Maybe she is. You would never know, you didn’t even want to bother getting to know her beyond what you want to see, and what you pretended to listen to.
She starts to notice what you’re doing. You’re slowly fading away. You only want her around when it’s convenient for you. You never give her anything she needs. But she can’t tear herself way. No, she adores you too much and wants your approval every waking second. You got what you wanted. She’s fallen for you.
He comes into the picture. You’re mad, of course you are. You don’t want to spend any more time with her than you have to, but you can’t bear to see her with someone else. You don’t want her. You don’t love her. But she can’t be with him. He’s an asshole. Full of himself. Little do you know, you’re no better. But you think, because you happen to have a little more misfortune in your life, that you’re exempt. He can’t treat her like that, but it’s fine for you to do so. Because she says she trusts you, right? That’s the difference. She’s already in too deep when it comes to you. After what you’ve done to her, she’ll never be able to move on. That’s what it is you don’t realize.
He’s simply a cry for help. You don’t see it. You don’t see her smile at you with love in her eyes, even when he’s right there. She wants you everywhere she goes, even if he’s there. She wants you to notice her behavior and realize that you love her. She wants you to be mad, and realize what you had. You get angry at HER instead, rather than yourself for being so foolish. You call her names. When the one person that you trust thinks you’re a dirty whore, what point is there? You never cared. She knows that now. She doesn’t want to accept it. Of course she doesn’t. Feelings can’t just fade.
Time goes by, she’s moved on. Or so you think. He’s just got her under his spell the same way you did. The realization hits you. You know now that you had somebody that cared about you despite your flaws, that loved those flaws, that loved being around you and would do anything for you. It’s too late though. You can act like you care now, but did you ever? Or do you just simply miss having someone to take advantage of, because you know nobody else will put up with your bullshit? You never cared about her. You let her slowly lose herself, because she was convinced you felt the same. She’s too far gone now. She was burning away right next to you, each day, and you never noticed. Not until she was simply the ashes of who she once was.