• Now You See Me

    Now You See Me

    ★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    This movie would be sooooooo much better if Melanie Laurent was the fifth horseman and Mark Ruffalo really was a cynic whose heart was genuinely changed by her and the Horsemen's sense of wonder, faith, and idealism. It would have been such a simple change that would made the whole film feel that much more meaningful, and for a lot of the movie it really feels like that's where the movie is going, but instead they sacrificed their one measurable…

  • Daredevil

    Daredevil

    ★★

    We don't make enough movies targeted at mall goths anymore. Two stars for two Evanescence songs, baybeeeeeee

  • Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

    Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

    ½

    Skids and Mudflap gotta be right up there with Jar Jar Binks as far as worst side characters of all time go, right? Right there next to the d-tier Family Guy knock off caliber of absurdist human self-parody that they turned Sam's parents (particularly the Mom, interestingly enough,) into in this for some reason. Or maybe the ill-defined dumbass hacker roommate who tags along for the entire movie for no reason. Ooh, better yet, right next the objectified shell of…

  • Spooks: The Greater Good

    Spooks: The Greater Good

    ★★

    Mostly pretty forgettable aside from a surprisingly gripping final twenty-ish minutes. Probably a lot better if you're aware going in that there was ten seasons of television preceding it, which I wasn't.

  • Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

    Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

    ★★★★

    I was a bit mean to that ending scene in my first review of this one, huh. While I do still maintain that the airstrip scene was the perfect button for the movie to go out on, the ending they went with certainly does still have its charms. All in all, great flick.

  • Annie

    Annie

    ★★

    The kid actors are stiff, the cinematography is weak, the pacing is shit thanks in no small part to some real trash editing, the sound mixing is frequently unintelligible, they chopped Easy Street in half and cut N.Y.C. completely, cramming in a bunch of random numbers I can barely remember in their place, they tacked on this weirdly intense, overwrought helicopter chase scene to the end of the movie that completely shoots the tone in the foot, and somehow, impossibly, to top it all off, SOMEHOW they made Tim Curry boring, but I'll be damned if that Miss Farrell can't dance

    Tear it up, babe

  • Steamboat Willie

    Steamboat Willie

    ★★★

    Yo did anybody see this new animation by Dolan Darker

    Where do people come up with this stuff

  • Home Alone

    Home Alone

    ★★★★

    This would make for a god-tier Cas Van de Pol recap

  • Klaus

    Klaus

    ★★★★★

    Basically a movie I could recommend to just about anyone; Great characters, great animation, great comedy, and a great, heart-warming, feel-good story at the center of it all. Odd implementation of some pop tunes, but by that point nothing can dim the shine of what is clearly an all-time great Christmas flick.
    Klaus is every bit the celebration of its medium, the legacy of the iconic mythos at its center, and the enduring power of fantasy and the human capacity…

  • Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny

    Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny

    ★★

    If I could sum up this movie in two words, they would probably be...

    "Not particularly."

    The plot is not particularly memorable, the villain is not particularly interesting, and the goddaughter character mostly driving the plot forward is not particularly likeable. The mystical goober everybody is trying to get their hands on is not particularly awe-inspiring, and the action is not particularly riveting, probably due to the not particularly convincing special effects. All in all, its character arcs are not…

  • Gigi

    Gigi

    ½

    In spite of some impressive Technicolor mise en scene, this was mind-numbingly meandering and bizarrely mean spirited. The characters were broadly defined and unlikeable, the comedy was aimless and unstructured, (if there was supposed to be any, I could barely tell half the time) and the music felt practically perfunctory. I mean, I was moved somewhat by I Remember It Well, but that's because it reminded me of the infinitely more charming rendition sung by my late grandparents, and that…

  • The Marvels

    The Marvels

    ★★½

    Very frivolous, but as far as modern mid-to-low tier Marvel faire goes, not nearly as mind-numbingly self-serious as Falcon and the Winter Soldier or Secret Invasion, a betrayal of an amazing premise or character like Doctor Strange 2, Ant-Man 3, or Thor 4. Or, y'know, also Secret Invasion. Just a pretty cut-and-dry cape flick with decent character work, quirky sci-fi world building, and some surprisingly well choreographed action and cinematography from time to time. Silly, but it leans into it. Has fun for a change.