• Freddy Got Fingered

    Freddy Got Fingered

    ★★★★½

    20 years of sausage and gutz

  • 21 Jump Street

    21 Jump Street

    ★★★½

    "Hi, Brad... big...".

  • Funny Games

    Funny Games

    ★★★½

    I didn't like watching this at all which means the movie did it's job. Self-effacing and off-putting in all the least aesthetically pleasing ways.

    (3.75/5)

  • Bride of Chucky

    Bride of Chucky

    ★★★½

    Tiffany is a nu-metal queen and I'm all here for it, while Franken-Chucky successfully makes the transition from sincerity to self-parody. I found the bookends of the movie to be way more interesting than the stuff in between, pretty much only because of the teen drama sideplot.

  • The Old Dark House

    The Old Dark House

    ★★★½

    I'm convinced Horace Femm and Bill Porterhouse are the two funniest movie character names ever written.

  • Final Destination 2

    Final Destination 2

    ★★★★

    Did these movies figure out mainstream-palatable splatstick?

  • The French Dispatch

    The French Dispatch

    ★★

    Like trying to blow out a big floppy lump in the bowl but it just refuses to go, ya just gotta give up and wipe sometimes. Feels like shit man, all bloating and steamy and your legs have fallen asleep from the cold hard porcelain

  • Watchmen

    Watchmen

    ★★★★½

    About as good as it gets. How they managed to cram a direct epilogue to the original narrative, a full reboot of the overarching lore, an entirely new set of main masks, and both contemporary and historical political pontification is beyond me. What makes the writing of this show shine even more is it's just so entertaining and fast paced even when the story takes a back seat to storytelling (in a move that is incredibly similar to the comic's narrational structure exemplified by the Black Freighter segments). This thing is a 4D ouroborous and I'm glad it exists.

  • Titane

    Titane

    ★★★★

    Definitely a step up from Raw! Like Malignant there are a ton of movies that this is obviously quoting but to name-drop would do Titane a disservice. It's prowess comes from its rearrangement of existing body genre beats and subsequent galvanization of a new Frankenstein for the age of pharmacopornographic identity production. This is how modern horror movies should succeed if they fail to find an original conceit.

    On more material note, I was really taken by some of the…

  • Dracula

    Dracula

    ★★★★★

    God this movie makes me wanna cum

  • Tetsuo: The Iron Man

    Tetsuo: The Iron Man

    ★★★★★

    Idk if it's the big screen or the delta-8 but Tetsuo seemed extra juicy tonight. Give me metal dick or give me death.

  • The Other Hell

    The Other Hell

    ★★★½

    More of a brain-bludgeoned dreamvibe than an actual movie but what more could I expect from king of doody-heads Bruno Mattei and his equally mushminded colleague Claudio Fragasso. I'm really big on these little shitstains that enter your psychospace through pure light and iconography.