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  • Frozen II

    Frozen II

    ★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Never thought Frozen II would be a slealth remake of The Fifth Element, but here we are.

  • Hellmouth

    Hellmouth

    Oh man, I *hated* this, which sucks because I love the writer and the lead actor but another Pontypool this is not.

    Here’s a hint, if the ambition for your script dramatically outpaces your budget, rewrite the script. Don’t think, “let’s do all of it with green screen and literally the worst CGI!”

    Anything potentially good here was overwhelmed by my constant desire to punch my own eyeballs so I could stop looking at this ugly monstrosity of a movie.

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  • House

    House

    ★★★★★

    My thoughts during the movie:

    "Is my disc skipping?"

    "Did I accidentally put in a Japanese remake of The Monkee's Head?"

    "Why do I even have the subtitles turned on? It's not helping my comprehension."

    "Seriously, how much of this film is watermelon-related?"

    "Well, I just Kung Fu'ed a bunch of logs that attacked me. Probably just an illusion. What a weird day!"

    "Dancing Skeleton!"

    "Everyone is super chill about their friends disappearing."

    "Oh. It got crazier."

    "No, wait. *Now* it got crazier."

    "Crazy. Loved it. Can't wait to watch it again. 5 stars."

  • Sicario

    Sicario

    ★★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Fuuuuuccccckkkkkk