Oslo, August 31st

Oslo, August 31st ★★★★½

"You've gotten through it before."

Recovery isn't linear. It's usually more of a jagged line, a cyclical process that often feels pointless. It can get so frustrating that I can't blame anyone who loses hope. You were doing better for months, but now you're right back in the same place, or even worse -- what the fuck was the point? I've seen what addiction does to people through my experiences with my brother, and I myself am no stranger to the process of recovery from toxic behaviors and illness. It's really, really hard to get better, and when these behaviors have become such intrinsic parts of your personality, it's nearly impossible to rid yourself of all of them in one fell swoop. You're probably gonna fuck up along the way, and you might even hurt some more people. But you're still trying, and and you need to keep trying, or else you're really fucked.

The way you interact with people when you don't care about life is so cynical and angry. Everyone's a fool for being happy, but you envy them for it. Oslo, August 31st is far from an optimistic narrative, but I do feel that it was nevertheless a cathartic experience for me. It hurts to see someone who feels so similarly to how I feel lose hope, but it makes me realize just how much I would stand to lose if I did what he did. Life is tough, but it's worth it, it's worth the extra effort I have to put in. I don't know what else to say without just rambling on about my feelings, but damn, this was real. Authentic emotions and reactions framed by beautiful, effective direction and elevated by brilliantly understated performances. This was tough, but it was really damn good.

One of the best new skills I've acquired lately is being able to admit that I'm having a tough time without wallowing in it. Ignoring negative feelings isn't productive -- they need to be addressed, but they can be addressed without being magnified. Self-honesty is just as important as being honest with the people around you.

Rating: 89/100

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