Magnolia ★★★★★

decided to watch this for my birthday before heading off to my gran's for the big get together, already watched spring breakers and spent some time with my mum and dad but i chose this for the last movie to watch before i leave and see all my family and have a wonderful few hours, because this is a special movie. i've seen it more times than i even know anymore, i first watched it when i was around 9 or 10, and it's stuck with me throughout the years, it taught me a lot about humanity and how people work before and after i got diagnosed with asperger's at 11. it showed such empathy and compassion for its characters, and developed them so well that they felt real, just as real as any person i'd actually met in my life. i remember watching it for the first time on the day that i switched my room around, the bed was now on the other side of it and the tv had been put in its place, and i decided to watch something i thought would be special, something that i had been desperate to watch for ages at that point. and it fucking changed my life, it really did. ever since then, i've watched thousands and thousands of movies and yet i always come back to magnolia, usually at least a couple times a year, last year i watched it two days in a row. only film i've consciously seen more is tron legacy. since seeing it for the first time i've been diagnosed with autism, dealt with my parents divorcing and having to live between two houses, had depression, started having chronic migraines that continue to this day, dealt with numerous moments of anguish and pain and have become a man. and yet every time, it means more, it hits harder. there is no other film that makes me cry more than this, every single time i'm reduced to violent sobs throughout. the more life i experience, the more i connect with this, the more i relate and care and the more i cry. there's something beautiful about that, knowing that no matter how much shit changes and no matter what happens in my future, i can always go back to magnolia and cry, that it will always mean something more. something special about that. i think we all have "our" movie, the one film that is so special to our heart, that affects us in such a profound way that it feels like ours, an extension of ourselves. something so personal and profound that life wouldn't be the same without it. and this is mine. happy birthday to me.

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