• John Wick: Chapter 4

    John Wick: Chapter 4


    the best one. from the neon drenched Osaka hotel sequence filled with arrows, swords and the agonising pain of brotherhood, to the Hotline Miami homage laden with explosive shotgun shells and a dog ripping armed combatants to shreds, John Wick Chapter 4’s action sequences pushes the series’ creativity to its limits. there are classic elements of slapstick thrown into sequences of high stakes and peril, the most notable being an endless descent down flights of stairs, which help lighten the…

  • She Dies Tomorrow

    She Dies Tomorrow


    I admire lots about it, especially the first third where it is most effective at conveying its metaphor and particular depiction of depression, but its brand of desolate nihilism does nothing but make me miserable. tiny glimmers of tenderness washed out by overbearing, doomer existentialism has to be executed in a very particular way in order to work for me, which this doesn't. I wasn't into it when I first saw it, which was the bleakest, most nihilistic point of…

  • John Wick

    John Wick


    grieving by scorching the earth ablaze. a reflection of all the angriest, saddest moments of despair during my grieving process where I’ve just wanted to beat the shit out of everyone responsible, or anyone even remotely correlated with my partner’s death. finding a purpose in your pain via murder and gloriously bloody revenge is something that can’t (and shouldn’t) be achieved in reality, and a quest that will doom Wick into a path of endless killings and existential quandaries. but…

  • Whitney Houston: I Wanna Dance with Somebody

    Whitney Houston: I Wanna Dance with Somebody


    terrible screenplay but Naomi Ackie is tremendous, and almost makes up for how relentlessly beat for beat this is. gives nothing any depth and crafts no distinct portrait of Whitney’s life because it just wants to cover everything. Wikipedia style cinema. not unbearable by any means, I wouldn’t have minded seeing this in cinemas with my mum if she’d wanted to go, but there’s a couple real embarrassing moments such as using archival footage of Kevin Costner in The Bodyguard…

  • Premium Rush

    Premium Rush


    in the way that Top Gun Maverick has likely made a generation of young people dream of becoming a fighter pilot, Premium Rush makes me dream of becoming a high-octane bike messenger on the streets of New York.

  • (500) Days of Summer

    (500) Days of Summer


    I watched this once when I was a kid and thought it was a fun deconstruction of the romantic comedy, with the excellent Expectations vs Reality sequence providing a necessary antidote to the wistful fantasies of the genre it works within. now I am an adult and realise that it’s totally full of shit. it is way more contrived and manipulative than the love stories it’s attempting to subvert. this and Scott Pilgrim want to have their cake and eat…

  • The Reader

    The Reader

    the second film I’ve watched in two days that reminds me of a fake movie inside of Tropic Thunder. “the Nazi lady who fucked me when I was a teenager can’t read? how am I going to live with myself?” being the plot of the damn movie is absurd. Winslet winning the Oscar for this is surely one of the worst acting wins of all time.

  • The Son

    The Son

    fuck off!

  • Being There

    Being There


    this was commissioned on my Ko-Fi a while ago, and I feel terrible that I’ve not gotten to it until now. it’s been a very rough year for me so far, and I’ve put this off as it’s “work” and felt unable to even rewatch the movie until today. so I’m very sorry and to the person that commissioned it, feel free to DM me on Twitter and request another movie to cover on top of this, completely free of…

  • Magic Mike's Last Dance

    Magic Mike's Last Dance


    one of the most romantic movies I’ve ever seen. the climax made my jaw drop and I was a sobbing wreck for the last 10 minutes. was filled with an overwhelming sadness when the third act started that I wasn’t going to see dozens more hours of Channing and Salma together. anyone hating on this doesn’t deserve the power of Mike Lane.

  • All the Beauty and the Bloodshed

    All the Beauty and the Bloodshed


    I was listening to David Bowie’s Hunky Dory for the first time in a while when I was heading into Glasgow this morning. as I listened, I was struck by just how contemporary it must have felt, and how the contemporary it represented is so far gone that it seems like an alternative reality. songs about kooks, Bob Dylan as the star of the musical world, references to John Lennon as he lived, Rule Britannia as a movement firmly enshrined…

  • Jackass 4.5

    Jackass 4.5


    respect to these men but I would rather die than have any of this happen to my cock.