Eternals ★½

Honestly, the worst these movies can be nowadays is shameless entertainment. What I feel is Marvel’s first true cinematic misfire happens to check all of the following boxes: long, boring as hell, badly staged, wholly uninteresting, awkward and sloppily written. It also suffers from an exhausting number of shitty comedic attempts. Some of the effects weren’t bad, and I love the cast, but it needed more Keoghan and Ridloff. Also, it wastes Don Lee, so that’s a damn shame. I’ll always enjoy these movies if ever a fun one comes out, but this was not even that. It can serve as a clear detour in creative storytelling and one that should have been prevented with Endgame being the line in the sand. That being said, we wouldn’t have Shang-Chi. Otherwise, it could also just be pretty transparent evidence that Marvel hires certain directors for little more than marketing ploys. Because last time I checked, however I felt about Nomadland regardless, Chloé Zhao’s filmmaking forte sure didn’t seem to include tedious narratives with subpar CGI. I’m thankful for the on-location shooting, and she clearly shows investment in handling the scope of certain landscapes, but that glimmer of technical craftsmanship is ultimately overshadowed by this movie’s plethora of predictable shortcomings. I can only wonder how much Raimi will actually make it into the Doctor Strange sequel.

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