Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Star Wars: The Last Jedi

I cured my son of the Last Jedi. The other day, he came home for Christmas with his new partner. I was excited to meet her (and maybe MEAT her after my son fell asleep hehe), but imagine my horror when it turned out to be Rian Johnson. I immediately started to protest, but my son said "Dad, this is who I am. Rian and I are in love." Without missing a beat, I turned around and said, "You forgot to say just kidding." But my boy simply scoffed at me and said, "Actually, dad, I DO like the Last Jedi. That's right, your son is in love with the Sequel Trilogy." Then my son grabbed Rian Johnson’s hand and looked at me defiantly. For a second, I was utterly devastated. But then I thought to myself What would George Lucas do? So I stared straight at my son, penetrating his soul with my eyes (no homo), and said, "But that's gay." As soon as I uttered those fateful words, my son began to convulse. He dropped to floor in some sort of manic state, spit pouring from his mouth as his eyes rolled back into his head. Rian tried to help him, but I pushed that Star Wars killer away with my OT-loving strength. After a full minute, my son opened his eyes and said, "Dad, you cured me of The Last Jedi." Then, with manly tears of joy in his eyes, he pointed to Rian and exclaimed, "Let's get that childhood-ruiner!" After we wiped Rian’s blood off our hands and threw the Dark Lord into the cold, my son and I sat down with a beer and watched the Original Trilogy. As we watched, my son turned to me and said, "Dad, May the Force be with you.” "May the Force be with you, son," I replied. "May the Force be with you."

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