• The Fourth Protocol

    The Fourth Protocol

    ★★★

    Forsyth playing the hits, doing his best to re-do DAY OF THE JACKAL but with bigger stakes (trailer voice: this time it's nuclear) and more self-satisfied British pomp. Mostly entertaining, not a patch on JACKAL but it's still a great cast having their fun with it and the entire bizarre side-runner about Brosnan's Soviet supervillain being frothingly, distractingly horny is amusing if not all that useful. Watchable rainy-day spy pulp.

  • A Shock to the System

    A Shock to the System

    ★★

    really makes you think!

    already tin-eared and soft but even more useless in a world where AMERICAN PSYCHO exists

  • Blue Ice

    Blue Ice

    ★★½

    A very minor pleasure of a thriller, more interested in being a hangout club movie then any of its TV-movie-of-the-week plotting. Contains multiple stunningly unerotic sex scenes between Sean Young and a particularly old looking Michael Caine and a Michael Kamen soundtrack that's mostly just LETHAL WEAPON b-sides. Not going to claim I'll remember this a month from now but I enjoyed it as a deliberately small bit of business.

  • Batman: The Long Halloween, Part Two

    Batman: The Long Halloween, Part Two

    ★★

    The Long Halloween's adaptation to flavorless oatmeal is finished, turned into more grist for the animated universe mill. No sense of atmosphere at all, ripping the story of any lingering emotion and style. This should have been adapted by the BTAS team, not whatever hired gun hacks Warner slotted into their jobs here.

  • Pig

    Pig

    ★★★★½

    was not prepared for this on any level

  • Fear Street: 1666

    Fear Street: 1666

    ★★½

    almost totally lost me in the first half(no offense but I just can't bring myself to care about THE VVITCH: RIVERDALE EDITION) but luckily the back half is a total blast, layering on some genuinely clever twists and fully engaging with the class elements the other films hinted at. can't say I fully loved any of these but as a summer popcorn experience I had a good time overall, I just hope Janiak's next project isn't so slathered in crushing layers of lore and gives her more rope to just flex her considerable formal talents

  • Old

    Old

    ★★★½

    don't know why this has more false endings then RETURN OF THE KING but otherwise the total simplicity of the premise lets knight just explore the layers of these characters with minimal interference, like THE HAPPENING without performances straight from pluto. genuinely impressed at how it manages to keep an empathetic perspective within the genre TWILIGHT ZONE framework, and the incredible set of performers manage to ground the odder flourishes of the dialogue within the characters instead of pulling you…

  • Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins

    Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins

    ★½

    a potentially fun 90s ninja comic book pulp melodrama is butchered by some of the worst action framing and editing I've seen in a minute. why did anybody think shooting action scenes right up the actors noses and chopping then to bits was acceptable in 2021? let this style stay in the dumpsters of 2011 where it belonged

  • Space Jam: A New Legacy

    Space Jam: A New Legacy

    thank u brand 😇

  • Clifford

    Clifford

    ★★★½

    like if the computer from I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream tried to make a children's movie

  • Darkness

    Darkness

    Everything about this, from the wild blend of accents to the stilted dialogue to the incomprehensible lore reminds me of some old 00s era Eurojank point and click adventure game. Impossible to pay attention to, every scene just slides off your brain as you're watching it. One of the most nothing movies I've seen in quite a while.

  • Gunpowder Milkshake

    Gunpowder Milkshake

    ★★

    Store brand JOHN WICK meets edgy post-Tarantino crime movie runoff. Imagine getting a cast this good and wasting it on material one step above a DTV SMOKIN ACES spin-off, a real shame from everyone involved.