Bohemian Rhapsody

Bohemian Rhapsody ★½

Just took a shit that lifted my feet off the tile. Came crashing down hard, my bare chest to the ground, left wet and yelping like a fucking dog. Smelled like shit—all of it. Almost everything around and every part of me.
I told my girlfriend that my asshole went from I Wanna Ride My Bicycle to Don’t Stop Me Now. Had to get the AMC ticket ripper to head into my stall for a big clean-up but the young lady passed out and tumbled deep into my shit mess. 
Back in the theater, no one could even smell the shit on my body and clothes, of which I had mostly stripped. The film was still going but all I could do was clench my ass tight, my thoughts looking for the best with my ass hole preparing for the worst. By the AIDS concert, it happened.
I rocketed up, spraying everywhere. I covered my girlfriend and her parents but they started crying with pure elation because the covering of shit water meant they did not have to finish the film.
Cops came and cleaned it up but made sure that the theater didn’t play Bohemian Rhapsody as they worked