• Beware! The Blob

    Beware! The Blob

    ★★★★

    A guy that sleeps in a tent in his own living room has a sample of the blob in his freezer for reasons I don't understand. Time has no meaning in this movie. People walk into a house during the day, it becomes night inside the house, they leave when it is day again, all within the span of a couple minutes.

    I really enjoyed all of the weirdness and datedness and attempts at comedy, whether they succeeded or failed.…

  • Eternals

    Eternals

    If the superheroes are not supposed to have any impact on internal battles of mankind, how come one of them has the sole power of having complete control over all of mankind's will? Why did they kill off the best actor in the movie first? Why did it take almost an hour for there to be any character development?

    Basically, this movie is a brief opening sequence with a group of characters that we have no interest in, then 2…

  • Don't Look Up

    Don't Look Up

    First off, I just want to say how tired I am of seeing movies where multi-millionaire actors that are always considered some of the most beautiful people on the planet put in piercings and give themselves bad haircuts and force feed themselves a couple months so that they can look like Joe Everyman. It's fucking condescending.

    Politicians live in their own world and only care about their own chances for re-election and couldn't give a flying fuck about the rest…

  • Poor Albert and Little Annie

    Poor Albert and Little Annie

    ★★★★

    There's some really unfortunate musical cues, and the acting is not Oscar worthy (though it may be on the level of Natalie Portman in Black Swan), but I think this is actually a pretty good character study of a deranged individual that's masquerading as a schlocky horror movie.

    In that regard, it kind of reminds me of Don't Go In The House or Maniac, although those were definitely more towards the direction of a gore flick (Maniac is pretty much…

  • Crimson, the Color of Blood

    Crimson, the Color of Blood

    ★★½

    The movie starts off as a mix between Desperate Measures and The Brain That Wouldn't Die, when a group of criminals have to hold up in a doctor's mansion so that their boss can get an experimental brain transplant after being hit by a bullet during a heist. It's a fine enough plot, but it runs through everything you think the whole film would be by the first half, and the rest of it turns into a meandering revenge plot by a competing crime ring.

    An interesting concept that really suffers from some pacing problems, and some really bizarre choices for the score.

  • The Fairy King of Ar

    The Fairy King of Ar

    Everyone in this movie is fucking awful.

  • The Dark

    The Dark

    Jesus, does this movie have a ton of characters and plots going on for a horror movie.

    Some creature's going around Los Angeles and killing people, and we see it from the perspective of the community getting pissed at the cops for not doing anything about it, the news reporters having a moral crisis on whether or not they should exploit it for ratings, a radical author whose daughter was one of the victims, a psychic who apparently can see…

  • Steel

    Steel

    ★★½

    Judd Nelson is a government worker that accidentally kills someone due to his negligence, and as a result, is simply dismissed rather than actually having any jail time:
    "Shit, this is pretty accurate."
    The person he accidentally killed was a senator:
    "Well, hold on now..."

    I don't get why it would be hard to find out who this person is. It's a 7 and 1/2 ft tall black man that runs around fighting crime in an all steel outfit. There's…

  • The Galaxy Invader

    The Galaxy Invader

    ★★★½

    Is this better than Night Beast? No.

    That's it.

  • The Wonderful Land of Oz

    The Wonderful Land of Oz

    ★★★★

    The fuck was I thinking watching this? I was drinking, and I'm going to fall asleep in about an hour or so. It's not going to be an easy night.

    The whole time I was thinking about how weird my life would be if I grew up watching this as a kid. I'd have had horrifying nightmares from all the stark shadows, awful humanoid character designs, and the rough film print. At the same time, the female army that tries to take over Emerald City would have given my puberty a jump start.

  • R.O.T.O.R.

    R.O.T.O.R.

    ★★★★½

    I never noticed before that the policeman/scientist that makes ROTOR wakes up to his alarm going off at 5:00 a.m., only to cut to him in bed with the clock showing 4:50 a.m.

    A personal favorite in my list of great bad movies.

  • It's Alive III: Island of the Alive

    It's Alive III: Island of the Alive

    ★★★★

    Such an oddball movie, and I can't help but enjoy it. Michael Moriarty always feels like a surly New Yorker in Larry Cohen movies, but it works the most here. The movie does a really good job in establishing how disgruntled and alienated Moriarty's character feels from the previous movie, and it fits with his attitude perfectly.