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  • The Fast and the Furious

    The Fast and the Furious

    ★★★½

    Ja Rule enters a street race because if he wins he’ll get to have a threesome and then when somebody passes him he screams “Nooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!”

  • We're Back! A Dinosaur's Story

    We're Back! A Dinosaur's Story

    ★★

    Two things from this movie that have stuck with me for my entire life:

    •the way it depicts NYC was really evocative and romantic to me at five years old. Of all the media it appeared in that I was exposed to, for some reason this is the version that found purchase in my imagination. You get the genre of life you earn and I’m living an unimaginably dumb one.
    •a flock of crows landing on you and covering every…

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  • Fyre Fraud

    Fyre Fraud

    ★★★★★

    It's not actually that good but I'm giving it five stars because I want twenty seven more documentaries about Fyre Fest. Be the change.

  • A Christmas Carol

    A Christmas Carol

    ½

    This played on, like, NBC or some shit when I was in high school and at the very end when Tiny Tim was saying “God bless us, everyone!” it got cut off mid-sentence for the local news which -at a significantly higher volume- came in with “LOCAL BODY FOUND DECAPITATED IN A POOL”