Alien: Covenant ★★★★

This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

This review may contain spoilers.

everyone was hyping up the fassbender on fassbender kiss, but that was nowhere NEAR as explicitly gay as the recorder scene, so now i'm gonna overhype it to make up for the lack of hype. 
the recorder scene changed me as a person. i truly believe it makes up for every flaw in this movie. i was considering giving it a 3 1/2 rating and then i remembered the recorder scene and how physically shook i was in that theater and bumped it up to a 5, then had to calm myself down. my pal kyle & i were clinging to each other, mouths agape, trying not to yell "OH MY GOD!!!!!" as michael said to michael "i'll do the fingering." i just can't believe how lucky we are to live in a world where this scene exists. imagine pitching this scene to producers. "yeah uh michael fassbender intimately teaches another michael fassbender to play a very phallic recorder & it's extremely gay and also they're robots." i mean, that sounds like Cinematic Gold to me personally, but i could never pitch it to people who are giving me millions of dollars to make a serious sci-fi horror film?? i want to shake the hands of every brave soul who signed off on this scene. i want to thank ridley scott and the writers for bringing it to life. i especially want to thank my parents for bringing me to life so i could watch this groundbreaking scene in theaters. engrave the words "the recorder scene in alien: covenant (2017)" on my tombstone or urn.

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