Beautiful Boy ★★½

i knoooooow that brad pitt probably didn’t actually contribute that much to the film but i can’t stop imagining him in producer’s meetings ... 

-“haha let’s have my The Big Short co-star stevey randomly do coke at this part and then never talk about it again! it’ll be EPIC”

-brad in the editing room: “we need even louder, more horrifying music when the beautiful boy goes missing for the 52nd time to really manipulate the audience into empathizing with the boring dad” 
editor: “isn’t this like ... a drama”
brad: “you’re right ... let’s add some jarring classical opera music too!”
editor: “uhhh, but—“
brad: “MUSE WASN’T AVAILABLE WE’LL JUST HAVE TO MAKE DO

-*tearing up* “my god ... that boy is just so beautiful ...... we’re gonna need 25 more lingering close-ups of him crying AND a scene where someone sings that john lennon ‘beautiful boy’ song in order to convey his beauty properly. i will not be taking any constructive criticism on these choices.”

-brad: “let’s put the unnecessary shower sex scene near the end so everyone thirst-watching for timmy has to watch almost the whole thing hahahahhaha. i used a similar technique in my Benjy Button movie. did you know that’s the only one of my best buddy david fincher’s films in the criterion collection? it’s fucked up, man.”
other producer: “what about The Game?”
brad: *hard stare* “yep, it’s just Benjy Button. Benjy Button is the only one. that’s it.”