Bohemian Rhapsody

let’s pretend for a second that this movie wasn’t mostly directed by a pedophile (this is the only time i’ll ever ask you to forget this critical fact. please remember again when specified. thanks in advance!). 


yes, let’s look at bohemian rhapsody completely devoid of its controversial cultural context. just for a moment. let’s purely analyze it from a technical point of view. 

the editing is disorienting (in an amateurish unawareness of physical space way, not a purposefully artistic and Meaningful way), the other members of Queen significantly drag the story down, there’s absolutely NO sense of time or pacing, none of the emotional beats land, the dialogue is so canned that rami malek admittedly does deserves some of the clamorous praise he’s received for being the only watchable component of this movie (golden globe award winning, though? “ha!” laughs freaky priest ethan hawke), and, worst of all, don’t stop me now is relegated to the lowly position of end credits song ........ i could go on, but this movie straight up doesn’t deserve even this much of my time!

ok, so let’s bring the cultural aspect back into it. let’s remember once again that on top of being a technically garbage movie, it’s also mostly directed by a pedophile. its massive box office success has positively impacted said pedophile’s career, and he is continuing to get job offers — imdb says he has 5 upcoming directing projects and 11 upcoming producing projects. even if this movie were “””good””” (IT’S NOT! I CAN’T MAKE THAT ANY MORE CLEAR!!!!!), its award circuit success wouldn’t be worth bryan singer’s subsequent collateral success. 

IN CONCLUSION: 1/2 the star is for rami’s stellar performance and the other 1/2 is for english character actor tom hollander, whom i am extremely fond of and who has been having an insane 2018 what with this movie, Bird Box, A Private War, and Mowgli all coming out in the last quarter. his range .... it’s astounding .... yet when i gush about him to peers they say “who?” and i say “mr. collins from pride & prejudice ... the prime minister from mission: impossible — rogue nation and in the loop ... one of the evil powdered wig dudes from pirates of the caribbean 2 and 3 ...” and they say “oh ok ... what does he look like again?” and i show them a picture and they say “i still don’t recognize him” and i finally give up and just say “well ... he’s really good.” then we sit in silence for a bit. 

IN CONCLUSION PART II: tom hollander