Logan Lucky ★★★★

i tried to push the fact that this is just, as they actually say in the movie, Ocean's 7-11 out of my mind. i really did. i did my best to not think about how perfect brad pitt would've been as joe bang. "daniel craig is giving a great performance," i thought to myself. "and since brad did Ocean's Eleven, there's no way he and soderbergh would do another heist movie, right?"

the credits roll. i go on the imdb trivia section as per uze. "Michael Shannon and Matt Damon were a part of the cast. Both dropped out due to scheduling conflicts." matt damon? co-star of Ocean's Eleven?

so there was no excuse. i clench my teeth. shake my head. there was no excuse to not cast brad pitt as joe bang. i know for a fact brad hasn't been that busy. he's been sculpting and listening to bon iver and vaping.

i pace around my kitchen. "why does this matter so much to you?!" i ask myself in frustration. "i don't know!" i reply. "well... stop!" "you don't think i've tried?!" i silently scream.

it's 2:47 a.m. i stare at my bedroom ceiling. the abstract shapes of the stucco meld into brad pitt's face. rolling over on my side, i stare at the wall. he's still there. without thinking, i lurch out of bed and shove my fist through the plaster. knuckles torn and bleeding, i fall to my knees.

will i ever be able to get through a southern film without irrationally cursing the casting gods for not hiring oklahoman legend brad pitt?