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brat has written 107 reviews for films during 2019.

  • Unfriended

    Unfriended

    ★★½

    what is the truest horror of Unfriended:
    A. vengeful computer ghost that forces you to commit suicide
    B. the mental gymnastics that bullies go through to convince themselves they’re good people
    C. shitting your pants in public, on camera

  • The Rover

    The Rover

    ★★★½

    THIS IS A ROBERT PATTINSON PROTECTION ACCOUNT ✊🏽👊🏽

    NO BASELESS SLANDER AGAINST HIS BOUNDLESS ACTING ABILITY WILL PROSPER ⚔️☠️

    I DARE ANY OTHER ENGLISH ACTOR TO PULL OFF A PERFECT RURAL SOUTHERN ACCENT WHILE SCREAM-SOBBING 🔫🤠

    WHEN HIS CHARACTER LISTENED TO PRETTY GIRL ROCK AND SANG ALONG, “DON’T HATE ME CAUSE I’M BEAUTIFUL,” IT WAS AN EARNEST PLEA 💁🏻‍♂️💅🏽

  • Zombieland

    Zombieland

    ★★★½

    killing zombies with emma stone is the definition of a nightmare dressed like a daydream

  • Juno

    Juno

    ★★★★½

    this soundtrack gives me vivid flashbacks to being a Quirky High School Sophomore sighing romantically and doodling kimya dawson lyrics in her chemistry notebook 🥰 i got a D

  • Saving Mr. Banks

    Saving Mr. Banks

    ★★★½

    i’m sick in bed and popped this on because i thought it would be some nice feel-good disney propaganda feat. my mans colin farrell, and lemme just say i was NOT expecting a scene where a very drunk colin gets up to give a big speech, breaks into song about banking, coughs blood into a handkerchief, asks his daughter how old she is, then falls off the stage .... he ate shit so bradley cooper could piss <3

  • The Intruder

    The Intruder

    ★½

    considered organizing these scattered thoughts into a cohesive paragraph but then i remembered we’re all slowly decaying and i have more important things to do, like trying to read one of the 20 books piled on my nightstand but taking a depression nap instead. so, well, here ya go:

    -really effective title, as dennis quaid happens to be one of my most intrusive thoughts 
    -the titular Intruder everytime he Intruded: DENNIS QUAID IS HERE
    - excellent application of the Quaid…

  • Aquaman

    Aquaman

    hey y’all, we have another guest review! this person is a dear friend who recently DM’d me the most beautiful, poignant story about his relationship with this film — i just HAD to share the love!! <3

    “Did I tell you when I saw Aquaman the 2nd time I got so stupid high I couldn't tell what was happening and thought I pissed my pants like 6 times even tho I never did”

  • Orlando

    Orlando

    ★★★★½

    delightful similarities between Orlando and The Favourite
    - filmed at hatfield house
    - costumes by sandy powell
    - handel featured on soundtrack
    - queen anne’s gout is specifically namedropped
    - “my life is like a maze that i continually think i've gotten out of only to find another corner right in front of me.” - abigail dealing with loss of nobility//orlando coping with loss of nobility by frantically running, lost, through a hedge maze 
    - GAY as HELL!!!!!

  • The Fifth Element

    The Fifth Element

    ★★½

    let’s just get this out of the way: i went through this entire movie thinking zorg was billy zane...?!?!?! i was like WHOA crazy how he’s doing the same rich villain character from titanic, also released in 1997, except in SPACE. why don’t we talk about this more often? 

    then the credits rolled and it said ZORG — GARY OLDMAN and i answered my own question :/ legitimately a more oscar-worthy transformation than the darkest hour

  • The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie

    The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie

    ★★★★

    this is my fav track off the new vampire weeekend album :)

  • Lady Bird

    Lady Bird

    ★★★★½

    hey y’all sorry i haven’t rewatched this since it came out in 2017! it just hit so close to home that it took me actual years to recuperate, haha 🤗

    anyway, uh, yup! danny and kyle are still almost exact replicas of my two major high school romances and it still feels like greta gerwig hacked into 18-year-old me’s secret tumblr and mined it for material!!! 🤗🤗🤗

  • Long Shot

    Long Shot

    ★★★½

    “dorky guy lands hot girl way out of his league” is one of my ultimate trope pet peeves so i fully expected to hate this and then it MADE ME LAUGH!!?!?!?! KIND OF A LOT!!!?!??!!! there are definitely some pacing problems, and kind of a weirdly muddled message about centrism that could’ve been elaborated on or dropped, but also they let charlize be funny, bob odenkirk plays the president, and there’s a direct reference to charli xcx. great job!

    it…