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brat has written 15 reviews for films rated ★★½ during 2017.

  • Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

    Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri


    ... thank god colin farrell dumped martin mcdonagh for yorgos lanthimos

  • Woodshock



    it goes against every natural instinct i have to not give 5 stars to an A24 women-directed/written film about kirsten dunst smoking weed but sadly here we are

  • Valerie and Her Week of Wonders

    Valerie and Her Week of Wonders


    ugh. on paper, the idea of a girl getting her first period & then finding herself in a fantasy land of vampires & witchcraft sounds like exactly the type of movie i would love... but the multiple ~sexy~ nude scenes of valerie (along with the attempted rape scene) completely destroyed the value of the film for me personally. i don’t care how technically well-made Valerie and her Week of Wonders is. i don’t care that her mother was on set supervising. i…

  • Before I Go to Sleep

    Before I Go to Sleep


    imagine having amnesia & waking up every morning to colin firth in your bed saying he's your husband. i wouldn't even question it. i'd be like oh SICK wanna go sip on some chamomile tea or iron some suits or whatever it is you do

  • Megamind



    metro man's song
    written by: justin theroux
    performed by: brad pitt

    awww it's so nice to see the Aniston Husbands working together! 😊

  • Beauty and the Beast

    Beauty and the Beast


    this was a hot mess but i'm not gonna pretend like i didn't nut when sexy candelabra ewan mcgregor sang be our guest

  • Allied



    Max Vatan, aka the latest incarnation of Brad Pitt's Iconique Nazi-Hating Character, has a gay sister AND researches a mission called "Operation Moonlight" ... more like LGBT Allied am i right ????

  • It Comes at Night

    It Comes at Night


    i feel like i've seen this exact movie a million times before. i've seen the dog bark at "nothing" and then run into the darkness. i've seen the dad try to protect his wife and kid from a Deadly Danger. i've seen the woman point a gun at an enemy but refuse to shoot for no goddamn reason other than the fact that she's a woman. 

    i get that Shults deliberately chose to focus the film on the family dynamics…

  • Blue Jasmine

    Blue Jasmine


    i was so strong  ..... for four years .... four long years of wanting to see my girl cate's oscar winning performance ....... but not wanting to support w**dy a**en in any way ......

    last night, i lost my battle. i broke my boycott. cate, if you're reading this, just know that i truly would do anything for you

  • World War Z

    World War Z


    me: i want brad pitt & fincher to collab again so bad
    brad & finch: we're teaming up to make world war z 2! :)
    me, a few weeks after the announcement, staring blankly at the wall after watching world war z (2013) for the very first time: i've won ..... but at what cost ....

  • Phone Booth

    Phone Booth


    this is just a dark version of this ellen prank but instead of making dennis quaid do whatever she says it's colin farrell with a bad american accent

  • Assassin's Creed

    Assassin's Creed


    sorry, i just can't give anything with this much gratuitous shirtless michael fassbender less than 3 stars

    EDIT: turns out i can