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  • Porco Rosso

    Porco Rosso

    ★★★★½

    me: lmao a pig who's a pilot
    Miyazaki: sending people off to war likely either kills them or creates a chasm between them and society they can never fully get over.
    me: lol *oink oink*

  • Green Book

    Green Book

    ★★

    Viggo is unrecognizable in his role as a sentient slice of $1 New York pizza.

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  • The Wise Kids

    The Wise Kids

    ★★★★

    Clearly Stephen Cone’s most personal work, which is saying something since they all seem like little slivers of himself. The three leads are outstanding, and Cone gives a great performance too. He should act more. Even if this doesn’t reach the level of Princess Cyd, it’s still a special little something.

    Cone released a film every two years between this one and Cyd, but we didn't get one in 2019. Cone2020 please???

  • Goldman v Silverman

    Goldman v Silverman

    If Sandler couldn't win a gold man at least he got to be one

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  • Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

    Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

    ★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Most disrespectful to, in order:

    1. Rian Johnson
    2. Kelly Marie Tran
    3. My patience, time, money, intelligence, etc etc

    That said, I would like to see a movie where Oscar Isaac and Keri Russell do actually kiss.

  • Hereditary

    Hereditary

    ★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    The Five Stages of Grief:

    1. Denial.
    2. Creating miniature models of your family's most traumatic moments against the pleas of your loved ones, only to then destroy the models in a panic.
    3. Hanging upside down and repeatedly smashing your head against the door to the attic while your last remaining family member begs for his life.
    4. Levitating in the uppermost corner of your attic and slowly, methodically, decapitating yourself with a piano wire while staring at your son, as nude members of your mother's coven wave at him and force him to jump out of a window.
    5. Acceptance.