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  • The Coed and the Zombie Stoner

    The Coed and the Zombie Stoner

    ★★★★

    "And if, in fact, the zombie virus is not passed through blood but saliva, then why am I not a zombie? I mean, lord knows that Rigo and I have swapped an awful lot of spit as well as bodily fluids in the last couple of days, mutually consented, of course, but then I should be a zombie. But why am I not, Dr. Avon?"
    "Too much information, Chrissy."

    I don't know. I still find this delightfully stupid. I doubt that anyone else will ever find this to be as fun as I do, but that's everyone else's loss, not mine.

  • Ma

    Ma

    ★★½

    "I'm not weak. I'm not my mother."

    It's an impressive cast for such a by-the-numbers horror film. There were no surprises in this at all.

  • Annabelle Comes Home

    Annabelle Comes Home

    ★★★½

    "What else did you touch?"
    "Everything."

    These films drive me nuts with the way the characters do such stupid things, but I still have enough fun with them that I find them worthwhile to watch. I mean, weird shit's happening in the house of the two alleged demonologists, so why would you investigate on your own without seeking some information from the kid who lives with this shit day in and day out? I don't care that I'm older. She…

  • Graduation Day

    Graduation Day

    ★½

    "All right, look. Whoever it is, I know who you are."

    Everything in this film makes as much sense as that quote. The best thing about it is Linnea Quigley in an early role. Vanna White also shows up and isn't bad in her role as a blabbermouth who inadvertently seems to always be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

  • Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster

    Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster

    ★★★

    "Good... Good heavens, it looks like they're having a conversation. Oh... Why, Shindo, what do you think they're saying to each other?"
    "Huh, how would I know? You expect me to understand monster talk?"

    Godzilla looks so indignant when Rodan pecks him in the forehead...

  • Night of the Demons

    Night of the Demons

    ★★★½

    "What's the matter, Judy? Don't you like your blind date?"

    Night of the Demons is the kind of goofball horror film that the '80s gore scene thrived on. The characters are all assholes, minus one or two of them, of course, because somebody has to live through all of this, the effects are beautifully nasty and the plots are simple. No pontificating about the wrongs of our society, just young people wanting to party and dying for picking the wrong place to do it.

  • Midsommar

    Midsommar

    ★★★★★

    "On this, the day of our deity of reciprocity, we gather to give special thanks to our treasured Sun. As an offering for our Father, we will today surrender nine human lives. As Hårga takes, so Hårga also gives. Thus, for every newblood sacrificed, we will dedicate one of our own. That is: four newbloods, four from Hårga, and one to be chosen by the Queen. Nine in all, to die, and be reborn, in the great Cycle."

    I'd heard…

  • Cyrus: Mind of a Serial Killer

    Cyrus: Mind of a Serial Killer

    ★★½

    "Okay, time to get her out of here now!"
    "Why?"
    "Because she's starting to act like you."
    "And what is that supposed to mean?"
    "Uh, she's acting like a tramp."
    "Thanks!"
    "Well, let's face it, I'm the smart one, she's the sweet one and you're..."
    "Yes?"
    "The reason we get free drinks."

    Cyrus: Mind of a Serial Killer is about as low budget as they come and not all of it works. There are two characters that pop in every…

  • The Psychic

    The Psychic

    ★★★★½

    "I've had fifty-six lovers and haven't killed even one of them."

    If not for the opening scene The Psychic could have been rated PG-13, something I didn't expect at all from a film directed by Lucio Fulci. However, do not let that be a deterrent because The Psychic is a very interesting film with a strong story that unravels bit by bit during its 97 minute run time. It's an excellent paranormal mystery, the type that doesn't get made often enough. Quite a nice surprise.

  • Zombieland: Double Tap

    Zombieland: Double Tap

    ★★★★

    "Rules are for pussies. Nothing personal."
    "How could that not be personal? That's like my whole thing."
    "Yeah, you're right. It was personal."

    I'd been wanting a sequel to Zombieland for a long time and I'd given up hope of actually getting one. Sequels that come ten years later rarely live up to their predecessors and I'm sure that for a lot of people Double Tap won't either. It's got some flaws. Babylon, in my opinion, was the biggest one.…

  • Zombieland

    Zombieland

    ★★★★½

    "Six people left in the world and one of them is Bill fucking Murray. I know that's not your middle name. I've been watching you since I was like... Since I could masturbate. I mean, not that they're connected."

    It's been too long since I've watched Zombieland. This film just connected with me in a way that felt right from the opening credits and that doesn't happen anywhere near often enough. It's just my idea of fun.

  • Prom Night

    Prom Night

    ★★★

    "This is a case I had three years ago. High school teacher, he got crazy obsessed with a female student. They fired him, that didn't stop him. And then when the family got a restraining order against him, he went psycho. She got home from the movies, he didn't know she was there. She hid under the bed and had to watch him kill her mother. We arrested that son of bitch at his house. We found journals of this…