Alien Resurrection

Alien Resurrection

“Hi Joss Whedon, this is the Disney Executive here. We at Disney we’re really impressed with your writing capabilities on Alien Ressurection. What with how you wrote a unnecessary sequel that ruins the alien mythos by making the whole Xenomorph deal a wacky, homo-erotic, slapstick comedy. I mean, “Who do I gotta fuck to get off this ship?” Genius! I love how you turned the leaderly and heroic Ripley into some overly-sexual superhuman who wants to fuck an android woman, great service to the character. But what we here at Disney loved the most was how the main monster was some fucked-up booger/sperm alien that is very unpleasant to look at and ruins the classic H.R. Geiger design. So after seeing your great service to the Alien mythos, we here at Disney think you should direct the first Avengers film that could make or break the franchise we have been building up since 2008.”