Welcome to my Cinematic Time Capsule!
Favorites are 5 star films that rotate on a whim.
”I mean this whole thing’s just so cobbled together”
Well, ground my hogs, it’s another time loop movie!
This one kicks off with some cheesy manic fun that really captures the video game aspects of time looping. Frank Grillo is great as the cavalier captain of chaos and Joe Carnahan is having a giddy good time with his assassination freak squad.
However, it tries way too hard to make sense of non-sense science, and completely overreaches for emotional punches that…
”If something is good, why ruin it?”
This sequel to an old movie that nobody asked for actually succeeds by coasting on nostalgia for about 30 minutes, but once the spell wears off we’re left holding a whole lot of Zamunda baggage with no EZ-cart in sight…
”Uppity bitch say what?”
”In a sense you could call it a temple.
It’s a temple to movies.”
A bunch of talking heads talking about the thing I love!
My personal New Beverly is The Hollywood Theatre in Portland, and everything said here applies for me there. I am so looking forward to the end of this pandemic and my long overdue homecoming!
BONUS POINTS for the piece on Clu Gulager, which absolutely touched me.
”I’ve gotten a lot of friends from sitting in the dark.”
"They started cutting people’s faces off and wearing them for masks."
It’s Ice Cube VS the Zombie Reevers of Mars!
Welcome to pure B-Movie madness with a pounding metal soundtrack and more flashbacks than a LSD Anonymous convention.
It’s nowhere as good as it could have been, but it’s still some stupid fun and sometimes you just need a spoonful of sugary stupid action to help the popcorn go down.
"You got any fresh ideas?"
"Yeah, what we should’ve done in the first place."
”Not a single animal benefited from this war…not a single one.”
I have so many unanswered questions…
What happened to Don Lewis?
What does the word Bhagavan actually mean?
Do the pizzas vary from day to day depending on what Wal-Mart products are available?
And most importantly, where do I get the complete collection of uncut Exotic Joe music videos?
”Some mistakes were made…some attitudes got out of hand…”
”You a long way from Starbucks, homie.”
Easily one of the worst orientation programs ever.
I once had a job at a video rental store and my first day was almost exactly like this.
”You figure that joke out,
you’ll figure the streets out.”