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sydney has written 133 reviews for films during 2018.

  • Van Helsing

    Van Helsing

    been wanting to watch this for a long while, just to see if it was really as bad as everyone says. it's quite bad! case closed, looking forward to starting the first chapter of my post van helsing life in 2019

  • Underworld: Rise of the Lycans

    Underworld: Rise of the Lycans

    ★★

    good news for anyone who has bdsm fantasies involving buff, hairy, grimy michael sheen

  • Aloha

    Aloha

    ★★★★★

    i don't want movies anymore, i want a bunch of Moments loosely strung together

  • Christmas Evil

    Christmas Evil

    ★★★★★

    no offense to people who don't celebrate christmas but without the moment when you discover santa is a lie, how are you supposed to pinpoint the death of your childhood?

  • The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones

    The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones

    ★★½

    not sure how everyone can hate a movie that says bach was a tattooed shadowhunter who composed music that demons can't stand as a way to torture them but whatever

  • A Dogwalker's Christmas Tale

    A Dogwalker's Christmas Tale

    ★★

    watched because the kid loves dogs and cake wars. the super special park they're trying to save is literally like a brown patch with chicken wire around it, and all the houses are hideous mcmansions, so out of curiosity i looked up where it was filmed...fucking round rock!!! so for all its faults it's a pretty accurate depiction of round rock. my kid is making me drive out there so we can do a movie tour to the coffee shop and busted old dog park. anyway i'm giving it 2 stars because we had quite a lot of fun yelling at the tv.

  • Mutant Chronicles

    Mutant Chronicles

    ★½

    i bought this bluray at dollar tree

  • The Meg

    The Meg

    ★★★

    pleasantly surprised to find this was just as enjoyable the second time. even though i knew what was coming, i started laughing so enthusiastically when the helicopter guy opens fire on the damn shark that i knocked over my popcorn. no matter what you thought about it, this deserves a lot of credit (and earned a special place in my heart) for finally giving jason statham the ogling he has so long deserved.

  • The Last Unicorn

    The Last Unicorn

    back in the day when i was poor(er) and alone, the only way me and my toddler could watch tv was cassettes from goodwill. i'd go pick up anything that looked remotely interesting for 25cents each, and neither of us cared too much how atrocious the movies were (though i did try to stick to the older disneys and the don bluths and the weird/traumatic stuff of the 80s and early 90s - i'm not a total monster!). this was…

  • Shirkers

    Shirkers

    ★★★★

    a strange story, but hardly unique - we all know one of these guys, their crimes can range from literal theft (and worse) to talking over women at parties, but they're all on that same threatened/entitled spectrum. it's easy to lose sight of that, because this particular incident is pretty bizarre (and such a twisted joke of "luck"!), but it's fitting that the antagonist is this mysterious shadow, easily a vague stand-in for every other man of his type (and…

  • Creepozoids

    Creepozoids

    that friggin ending!!! ridley scott wishes

  • Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

    Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

    ★★★★

    q&a with writer ed solomon afterward - disappointing to hear him repeatedly refer to tasteless jokes he deeply regrets without actually acknowledging any of them specifically aside from the few cursing instances. but, it was reassuring to hear that he fully plans to make part 3 rated g or pg and in tune with the sweet, uncynical nature of the original - he is prouder of this movie than anything else he's ever done! also interesting to learn that it…