Three Colors: Red ★★★★½

"It was just starting to get interesting."

i think ive reached the point in my 20's where the scary parts start to begin. i cant really remember what the catalyst was for this age/creative crisis - probably several - but i felt the floor give out beneath me last night. the gravity of being 23 and having little to show for it in the ways that i want didn't feel like a hit, but like a visit or a phone call from somebody i have no interest in speaking to. it felt (still feels) like something has culminated or is culminating inside. in desperation, i needed quite literally anything to distract me, so i kind of half payed attention to my hands clicking on Three Colors: Red, not knowing what to expect at all.

what a kindred spirit all of this was. the camera movement felt like my body in that moment; pushed and pulled in all directions, and it felt like i was riding a roller coaster with someone next to me. the camera feels bound to nothing. there is seemingly no guidance or master, just an omnipotent being tied to geneva. the space between characters and camera and subject all felt disconnected, like a crash is inevitable. it was chaotic and comforting all at once, a knight in shining armor. i have to say goodbye to that adolescent kid i never got to be. but ill see him in a dream.