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  • Ice Cream Man

    Ice Cream Man

    ★★

    my favorite piece of ice cream man trivia is that they recently tried to do a kickstarter for part 2 but only managed to get 4 out of their 300k goal and half of that came from 1 backer who pledged 2k to pick an ice cream flavor in the movie

  • Battle Beyond the Stars

    Battle Beyond the Stars

    ★★★★

    "With a good script, a good director can produce a masterpiece. With the same script, a mediocre director can produce a passable film. But with a bad script even a good director can’t possibly make a good film. For truly cinematic expression, the camera and the microphone must be able to cross both fire and water. The script must be something that has the power to do this."

    — Akira Kurosawa

    "One of the space samurai has to have like, really big boobies."

    — Jimmy T. Murakami

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  • Martial Arts of Shaolin

    Martial Arts of Shaolin

    ★★

    Jet Li is the personification of how I feel about this, easily my least favorite Lau Kar-leung movie to date. I don't mind him, he's fine, knows his stuff, but there's nothing... particular about him that sets him apart and makes me want more. I think complaining about the story in a kung fu movie is missing the point a little, so I won't do that. I will say however while there is plenty of action in Martial Arts of Shaolin, it's a little lacking in the creativity department. Like I said, nothing particular about it that sets it apart, and I kinda need that.

  • Dragon Lord

    Dragon Lord

    ★★★

    Early Jackie Chan movie sure is... early Jackie Chan movie. It's good that he had these playgrounds to test out what would later take much better shape, this one in particular an extremely proto-Legend of Drunken Master. The only part of note that sets it apart from just about every other kung fu movie at the time (and that didn't invite me to a catnap) is when they play extreme hacky sack. It's one of those things where it almost feels like blatant showboating what the human body is capable of IN THEORY. IN THEORY, communism works.

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  • Halloween III: Season of the Witch

    Halloween III: Season of the Witch

    ★★★★★

    Do you see what happens when an entitled fanbase boycots a movie because it didn't give them exactly what they wanted? DO YOU SEE?! An initiative that produced something that is so insanely gorgeous, so utterly submerged in foreboding gloom, so refreshingly unconcerned about losing you as a viewer... only to prematurely get its plug pulled, leaving us forever wondering about what could have been. And boy, don't even get me started about the soundtrack. You wanna know how I…

  • Tough Guys Don't Dance

    Tough Guys Don't Dance

    ★★★★★

    Imagine Tommy Wiseau wrote a spec script for Twin Peaks, someone only cleaned up the language to sound like actual English, but changed nothing else; then Golan & Globus got like, Vampire's Kiss Nic Cage to be an acting coach; and finally put everyone on a strict diet of cocaine. I'm 100% convinced that every ounce shown in the movie is the real deal, and NONE of it went to waste. Everyone in this movie is certifiable, and the grandiose garbage…