• Gamera vs. Jiger

    Gamera vs. Jiger

    ★★★

    Needing some stuff to show off for Expo '70, the authorities prepare to plunder Wester Island (LOL..) of its most valuable treasure, the massive Devil's Whistle. Gamera, sensing impending danger, shows up, but to no avail as the desecration releases the dreaded sleeping Jiger. A monster who promptly wrecks Gamera... twice, eventually impregnating Gamera's lung while giving him catatonic vitiligo. It'll be up to the children, friends of Gamera, to play some real-life Fantastic Voyage or else Osaka's hopes for…

  • Doctor Mordrid

    Doctor Mordrid

    ★★★

    Anton Mordrid (Jeffrey Combs), between collecting rent checks from a cast of supporting characters, stands vigil in his huge apartment for signs that his former school chum Kabal (Brian Thompson) has escaped containment on the Rock of Eternity and returns to threaten the Earth once again. And when he does, Mordrid will need the help of police consultant (and one of his tenants) Sam Hunt (Yvette Nipar) to stop an all-out demonic invasion from the other side.

    So, the comparisons…

  • Velocity Trap

    Velocity Trap

    ★★

    Space Cop Ray Stokes (Olivier Gruner) is framed for murder on his mining colony, and promptly assigned to a Federal Transport Ship, guarding the cryogenically frozen crew while carrying a bajillion dollars in hard currency. Three months into his six month journey, some crafty criminals, including Ken Olandt and Jorja Fox, stage a break-in to steal all that sweet, sweet cash, triggering the events which would put this on many "Die Hard on a _____________" lists.

    I have rarely seen…

  • Robot Wars

    Robot Wars

    ★★

    It's 2041, and an inquisitive archaeologist (Barbara Crampton) has just made a discovery beneath the abandoned town of Crystal Vista that holds the key to any of the warring factions of her world attaining global domination. She'll be forced into a partnership with a cocky bot-pilot (Don Michael Paul) if she wants to get to the bottom of things and preserve what fragile peace this world enjoys.

    Robot Wars is a low-cost production. This isn't always bad. An interesting script,…

  • The Batwoman

    The Batwoman

    ★★½

    A wealthy woman from Mexico City, presumably the daughter of Marta, uses her fortune to fight evil in the least functional costume this side of 2004's Catwoman. And evil, in this case, is the villainous Dr. Williams who is using wrestlers' brain juices to create an army of amphibious gill-men. Batwoman arrives in Acapulco, going undercover as a luchedora to stop Williams and his crimes against humanity and against nature...

    In some ways, The Batwoman's everything you could want from…

  • The Bubble

    The Bubble

    ★★½

    Hot Diggity! It's the Bubble...in S p a c e - V i s i o n!

    An expectant couple and their hired pilot are hurtling toward a small town in a small plane, hoping to get there before she gives birth. The airport is unresponsive, so they land on a stretch of highway and make their way to civilization...only to discover a town comprised of haphazard fragments of various towns and a population that appear to be comprised of…

  • Gunmen

    Gunmen

    ★★★

    Christopher Lambert's brother makes off with a boat that has 400 million dollars of narco-boss Patrick Stewart's money. Bounty hunter Mario Van Peebles scoops up Lambert to help him find the boat, while Stewart hires Denis Leary and his crew of psychopaths to get his money back. It's a race to find out where the money is, and to see who can shoot up and blow up more stuff as they rampage across some imaginary South American narcocracy.

    Christopher Lambert…

  • Black Friday

    Black Friday

    ★½

    The staff at a big box toy store are under siege by alien-infected zombie shoppers just as Thanksgiving evening approaches.

    This is one of those situations where my general tepidness toward the horror genre is probably actively hurting the movie. But only partially...I believe that Black Friday is plenty bad on its own.

    The alien menace's endgame seems to be borrowing from a recent season of a big Netflix series, but what it's actually doing at any given moment seems…

  • Double Target

    Double Target

    ★★

    American killing machine Bob Ross (Miles O'Keeffe) returns to Viet Nam to find his son after the boy's mother has died. A U.S. Senator (hamtastic Donald Pleasance) and Colonel (Mike Monty) offer him help in finding the boy if he does a little work for them in country. Meanwhile, Russians led by Bo Svensen want Ross dead.

    Here's the problem with Double Target: if you're looking for a Rambosploitation film sprung from the minds of Bruno Mattei and Claudio Fragasso...there's…

  • Seven Hours to Judgment

    Seven Hours to Judgment

    ★★★½

    Beau Bridges stars and directs as a judge who, due to the law and an apparent lack of evidence, is forced to release a quartet of gang members after an electronics magnate's (Ron Leibman) wife is killed. Instantly, Beau's wife (Julianne Phillips) is scooped up and he's given an ultimatum: find the evidence to convict the gang members by 7:00am or he'll be joining Leibman's widowers club.

    I can't really call this good, but it is entertaining. I lost track…

  • Popeye the Sailor Meets Ali Baba's Forty Thieves

    Popeye the Sailor Meets Ali Baba's Forty Thieves

    ★★★½

    Another giant-sized Popeye adventure!

    Bluto's hiding in the desert, running with a crew of scallywags and going by Ali Baba. Popeye, Olive and Wimpy, as members of the U.S. Coast Guard, are dispatched to the Middle East to deal with Ali Baba's reign of terror.

    I think I like this one slightly more than Sindbad, but they both look really good. This one has funnier Popeye "under his breath" moments and odder set pieces, like the thieves stripping a town of everything not nailed down and the fisticuffs finale in Ali Baba's cave.

  • Popeye the Sailor Meets Sindbad the Sailor

    Popeye the Sailor Meets Sindbad the Sailor

    ★★★½

    A double-sized Popeye adventure!

    Sindbad the Sailor (Bluto) tours his island menagerie before spying Popeye, Olive and Wimpy boating by. Dispatching his roc to wreck their boat and retrieve Olive for his own purposes, Popeye is left to battle for his lady while Wimpy concerns himself with matters gastronomic.

    It's fun! And one of those where Popeye's already kind of frightening powerful even before getting his spinach boost.