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    ★★½

    This made $2,790,000,000 and given how boring it is I have to assume $2,500,000,000 of that was from people who wanted to fuck the cats.

  • RoboCop

    RoboCop

    ★★★★

    One time in a game of “Celebrity” my friend pulled Robocop from the bowl and said ‘this guy is a robot cop’ because he claimed it was technically following the rules and it was the closest I’ve ever seen to someone being murdered by the opposing team in a casual family game night.

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  • Mission: Impossible III

    Mission: Impossible III

    ★★★

    I clicked the little "I've watched this film before" button because I am SO CERTAIN that's true but also it had so completely faded from my memory that I may as well have never seen it.

    It's fine! I guess? It's fine. I'll say the same boring thing everyone else says, which is that Phillip Seymour Hoffman is outstanding in it. There's really basically nothing for that villain on the page, at all. Like, as written he's no more or…

  • The Old Guard

    The Old Guard

    ★★½

    At one point I paused this movie to use the restroom, and while I was there I noticed something that needed cleaning, so I dug out the paper towels and surface cleaner and after a few minutes I realized I had so little investment in The Old Guard that I didn’t give it a second thought before starting a chore.

    I feel like when Netflix pivoted to original content there was a lot of doomsaying about mediocrity and the death…

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  • Little Women

    Little Women

    ★★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    I cannot tell you how jarring it is to see Bob Odenkirk when you’re not expecting him.