You make this movie when y’sat with a mate watchin’ I dunno, Amer’can Pie 2 fer the seven fuckin’ thousan’ve time in yer life an’ still luvin’ it, than the other person goes, “They don’ make ‘em like this anymore,” an’ yer like, “Gimme an hour.” It ain’t a one-t’one, don’ act’uly think y’could do that, an’ I don’ mean that inna cunty way, times change, tastes move on, tryin’a push out the secon’ comin’ve Cruel Intentions would prob’ly be PROBLEMS, but the FEELIN’S there, it’s got the vibes, it ain’t sorry ‘bout where it comes from.

It’s a bit’ve a Greates’ Hits, but like one’ve them Greates’ Hits where it’s also a Remix Album. It’s FULLY doin’ a thing. Ya don’ put Mer’deth Brooks, Third Eye Blin’, The Migh’y Migh’y Bosstones, “Celebri’y Skin,” the “PARANOIA PARANOIA EV’RYBODY’S COMIN’A GET ME” Song an’ fuckin’ “PRAISE YOU” BY FATBOY SLIM on yer soun’track ‘less yer Doin’ A Thing. Ya DO NOT CAS’, fuckin’ BUFFY, as the PRINCE’PLE, in yer STYLISED TEEN COM’DY, ‘less yer DOIN’ A THING. I woz waiting fer fuckin’ Bittersweet Symphony t’come in mate, I’m tellin’ ya if that’d happened I think I would’ve fuckin’ TRANSCENDED. 

One’ve the things I see people say a lot’s that Netflix makin’ their own movies ain’t really doing much fer findin’ new talen’, an’ like, it IS a thing. If yer jus’ sum arse’ole onna forum an’ this’s one’ve yer reasons fer not likin’ streamin’ services I think it’s a bit Inside Wrestlin’ t’be sumthin’ y’care THAT MUCH ‘bout if y’know wot I mean, but they AIN’T foun’ that many flimmakers it’s worth gettin’ exci’ed over, it IS true. I think Jenn’fer Robinson migh’ be one’ve the ones that bucks the tren’ tho coz, like, she’s made two movies fer ‘em now, this’n Sumthin’ Grea’, an’ not only’ve they both bin pretty fuckin’ good, they both feel like they came out’ve an act’ul person’s brain, y’know. There’s nuthin’ much That’ll Do ‘bout ‘em, which Netflix spesh’ly seems very okay with that bein’ a lot. 

She’s also a co-writer on Thor: Luv’n Thun’er, which… Disney’s a good name t’have on yer CV, innit? Fer real it sez sumthin’ ‘bout SUMTHIN’ when yer two streamin’ flicks’er better’n yer fuckin’ Marvel Studios ten’pole, dunnit?

Camila Mendes an’ Maya Hawkes’er fuckin’ stars Bruv. One’ve the things I’ve missed ‘bout this genre goin’ away a bit’s it woz fun goin’ thro ‘em an’ pickin’ out the people ya though’ woz prob’ly gonna leave this sort’ve stuff in their fuckin’ dus’ at sum point. Tellin’ ya the truth we woz wrong more of’en than we woz righ’ coz this genre chewed people up an’ spat ‘em the fuck out, but it woz still fun, an if that happens t’THESE TWO I’ll be amazed. I think Mendes’s gettin’ a bit overlooked in the discourse roun’ this tho. Scrip’ doz both’ve ’em good but she’s asked t’do pull off sumthin’ really hard, bein’ The Hero Thassa Not Really Very Nice. I had that down’s a minus fer a bit but then the twis’ came in an’ I woz like, “Jesus Christ she wiz doin’ it ON PURPOSE an’ I fuckin’ FELL fer it.”

It’s got more goin’ fer it’n bein’ a bit’ve camp fun tho. I mean NOT MUCH, it’s MOS’LY a bit’ve camp fun, but it’s tryin’a say SUM shit. There’s the stan’ard R’venge Not Good stuff, which at the risk’ve soundin’ a bit Patrick Bateman, I ain’t exac’ly anti r’venge so I always roll me eyes a bit but there’s sun nice bits where they chat ‘bout wot it’s like bein’ angry all the fuckin’ time, an’ the collat’ral damage y’can let pile up when yer laser-focused on makin’ sumone pay. It ain’t fuckin’ GODARD, God res’ ‘is soul, but it don’ need t’be. Simple lessons’er still worth teachin’, ya can’ do much ‘til ya’ve grasped the basics. 

Minus half-a-star coz it don’ really stick the landin’. It starts eatin’ itself a bit at the end an’ gets buyer’s r’morse onnit’s own Gotcha. It doz Austin Abrams a bit dirty an’all, not by wot it has ‘im doin’ but coz it didn’t let ‘im do ENUFF’VE IT, he’s SO GOOD in the las’ ten’ve this I wished they’d let ‘im go full Kathryn Merteuil sooner ‘stead’ve keepin’ ‘im in line fer anuther twis’ that don’ really add much. It ends onna Convert’ble cruisin’ down a road tho, which’s almos’ enuff fer all t’be f’given. Almos’.