Captain Marvel ★★★★★

i think a lot about jude law’s lines from this film, because they are so familiar to my ears. “you’re too emotional”, “don’t let your impulses overwhelm your judgments”, “having emotions makes you weak” - oh yeah, heard them all before. being an introverted girl with a temper is not easy when i was growing up, and i continue to feel their effects to this day. add cockiness (and being a virgo) into the mix, i’m somehow the worst combination of a woman. like carol, i’ve been in troubles for speaking my mind. oh, and i hate to be wrong, so i make sure i’m always right. and that pisses a lot of people off.

girls are held to impossible standards of cordiality. my mother, with all her good intentions, always wanted me to be pleasant and bemoaned how difficult i could be. one small act of over-emoting and suddenly i’m the worst-tempered child in the neighbourhood. one slip and i’m punished for being impolite. and when i finally decided to keep quiet, everyone hates my resting bitch face. and then i grew up, i started to put on an act, and it still isn’t enough sometimes. what an irritating life i’ve been leading, and i always wonder but for this experience, would i have found my place in the world way earlier than i actually did? how much of this requirement of cordiality has hindered my personal growth?

then carol danvers shows up on the big screen like the supernova she always has been, telling me being myself - my brash, difficult, impulsive self - is enough. better even, because only then can you harness your full power and charge against the skies. i’m not surprised by the lukewarm reaction from some male audience (and to the men who freaking loved this film, i salute you because you have now realised the default for humanity can be in the form of a woman, that you can now relate to a female character and not feel the patriarchal judgment bestowed upon you, and that is absolutely amazing) because how could some of you understand what it’s like having your personality suppressed that way? and how could some of you know how powerful it is when carol danvers had that epiphany of choosing not to fight with one arm tied behind her back anymore?

carol’s true superpower is clarity. clarity of mind, of morals, of herself. this film is not about gaining powers, but unleashing them. one quote from another equally almighty mcu character sums it up: “i know my value. anyone else’s opinion doesn’t really matter.”

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