F9 ★★★

This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

This review may contain spoilers.

A giant, expensive movie that frequently feels so thrown together that they didn't even bother giving it a proper title. "F9" is massive: a blockbuster so overloaded with stuff, there's even time for a 30-minute pilot for what could only be a future "Fast & Furious" prequel series coming soon to Peacock. So many characters pop up that it's dizzying; at one point, Cardi B is in this movie playing a previously unseen person who apparently has a deep connection with Dom and Helen Mirren, not that anyone would know or care? The script is meta to a fault: Tyrese wonders if he's immortal and the answer is basically "lol." Then there's the return of Han, a botched retcon that is super unsatisfying and doesn't even consider doing "Justice for Han," whatever that would even mean in a movie where giant magnets defy the laws of magnetism. But by the finale, who cares? The third act becomes one long sustained setpiece that launches some characters into literal space. It's hilarious and riveting: The audacity to attempt to pull this shit off and then actually succeed? Only at *Vin Diesel voice* the movies.