Rob

I'm not answering any Goddamned questions without my lawyer here.

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  • Akira

    Akira

    ★★★½

    The first time I saw Akira, or at least parts of it, was at a comic book convention in 1990. Sure, comic conventions are a big deal now, but back then, we were in a spare function room of a hotel on the edge of Boston's Chinatown, which was filled with nothing but white longboxes of back issues, geeks of questionable personal hygiene, and, at a table by the window, a VHS bootlegger with two 19-inch TVs. One was showing…

  • Evilspeak

    Evilspeak

    ★★

    We open in the distant past, on a beach, with Bull from Night Court giving some nice girl with a nudity clause in her contract The Chop, and cut to Clint Howard playing soccer like he's being distracted from his clubfoot by trying to hide a boner, and we are clearly not witnessing the adaptation of a lost Shakespere classic here.

    Clint's a welfare scholarship student at a private military college - think The Citadel, only full of jock douchebags.…

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  • The Amusement Park

    The Amusement Park

    ★★★

    I have a birthday coming up in the next several days, and it's one of those that ends in a zero, so I would like to thank George Romero for not only the early gift of a long, lost work, but for inspiring me to seek the greatest gift of all: a situation that I can shoot my way out of before the phrase "fixed income" refers to something other than an old St. Louis short con game.

    The Amusement…

  • Perfect

    Perfect

    ★½

    We open with seizure-inducing flickering lights and a voice over direct from an incel's manifesto, and I fear that I might have made a terrible movie selection.

    Then we cut to a teenager, who has apparently murdered a girl in his bedroom, calling his mom for help, and it seems the voice over might well have been straight out of an incel's 4Chan post history, and I am questioning the life choices that have brought me here, in front of…