• Casino

    Casino

    ★★★

    The biggest problem with Casino is that it's not Goodfellas. That's not Casino's fault, and it's like the bad rap Billy Carter got for being a beer-loving souse just because his big brother happened to be Jimmy, but there it is. They are both stories about the real and grubby roots of organized crime, in stark contrast to big, operatic organized crime stories like The Godfather.

    And hey, that's fine, and Casino is a perfectly well-executed version of that kind…

  • Vicious Fun

    Vicious Fun

    ★★½

    Remember the serial killer convention from Neil Gaiman's Sandman #14? Take that, suck all the tension out of it, replace the realistic killers with slasher villains from the 80s and 90s, crowbar in a protagonist who wants to be Sean Astin when he grows up, along with a Final Girl Turned Ruthless Vigilante about two years after 2018's Halloween soft reboot did it first, and you've got yourself Vicious Fun.

    It's 1983, and Joel, our Astin-wannabe, is a writer for…

  • Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

    Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

    ★★★★½

    He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.

    Back in 1998, I was an usher in my buddy Paul's wedding, so I was staying at his place the night before his bachelor party to cut down on driving and keep the logistics of the evening simple. The wild card of the day was, Paul had to attend some terrible form of Jack and Jill shower with the Bride's family that afternoon, and…

  • Black Widow

    Black Widow

    ★★★

    Let's do a little math: I can spend $10 a ticket for the earliest matinee, plus $15 on popcorns and $12 on Diet Cokes, and suffer through a bunch of slack-jawed yokels muttering and spitting Delta variant into the air, or I can pay a flat $30 Yankee dollars to fire it up on the 77-inch in 4K HDR with unlimited access to strong drink, Chinese food and the pause button? Sold, Mouse. Well played.

    Then again, we're five minutes…

  • Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

    Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

    ★★★

    I'm gonna start here: I like Luc Besson, but I am not a fan of his science fiction. I recognize that I am in the minority when I say that I don't like The Fifth Element. I respect its visual influences, because as a comics fan, I respect Moebius as much as the next man, but the visuals in The Fifth Element are in service of the story, which is weird. It's like Moebius when he did work on Jodorowsky's…

  • Tenet

    Tenet

    ★★★½

    Ah, Christopher Nolan. Batman broke something in the poor man. Ever since finishing the Dark Knight trilogy, he's been doing riffs. Interstellar was a riff on 2001: A Space Odyssey. Dunkirk was his war flick that didn't have much war and where escape was victory. And Tenet his a James Bond movie, almost literally turned inside out.

    The secret agent is American, and instead of a famous name, he literally has none. He doesn't drink on the job. There are…

  • The Hug

    The Hug

    ★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    If I had children, I would go days without sleep to bring them to Pandory's Pizza Palace.

    It's five minutes long, and a bratty kid named Aiden is murdered thanks to his petulance. Not the worst five minutes I've spent in my life.

  • The Tomorrow War

    The Tomorrow War

    ★★

    Imagine George Patton walked out of a Terminator naked time sphere onto center field of Fenway Park during the 1916 World Series, told the world that Japan would attack Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941, and that Hitler would exterminate millions of people in the subsequent five years. What do you think President Wilson would do? Send millions of untrained Americans to die like meatsacks on the beaches of Normandy? Or maybe, just maybe, get Leo Szilard and Albert Einstein…

  • Sputnik

    Sputnik

    ★★★

    Sonofabitch, what a week. Not only was it a savage burn at the day job to get a release out before the long weekend, but my smarthome server shit the bed thanks to a petulant Dyson air filter, and arrogant over and / or under engineering by the maintainers of the software. And it is the worst time to not have Total Data Coverage of the house, what with my SO and me celebrating Vaccine Invincibility with a trip to…

  • Punisher: War Zone

    Punisher: War Zone

    ★★½

    There's a police car in my neighborhood that has a Batman logo imprinted on its license plate. I don't know who drives that cruiser, but I wouldn't tell that cop anything more than my name and address unless he had a warrant and I had a lawyer who told me I had to obey it, because any cop who thinks Batman has the right idea is a shitty Goddamned cop who shouldn't be trusted.

    Same thing with cops and The…

  • Psycho Goreman

    Psycho Goreman

    ★★½

    There is not a heterosexual male alive who watches Psycho Goreman, witnesses Mimi, and doesn't either think that they almost dated her and dodged a serious, serious bullet, or that they did date her, and get the quiet douchechills at the psychological trauma that they have suffered.

    Your enjoyment of Psycho Goreman will, much like your enjoyment of junior high school, depend upon your tolerance for the treacherous narcissism of adolescent girls. There is a reason that whatever God you…

  • The Ice Road

    The Ice Road

    ★★½

    (With apologies to C. W. McCall)

    Was in the midnight sun on the ice road run
    Liam Neeson slummin' hard
    Got Morpheus here, makin' money for beer
    And ol' Netflix payin' the charge
    We is headin' for mines in Canada
    Armageddon in a big ol' truck
    I says, "Letterboxd, this here's the Rubber Dick
    "I'm about to shank this worthless fuck."

    'Cause we got a big ol' Neeson
    Coastin' for the check
    Yeah, we got a big ol' Neeson
    He…