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  • Aquaman

    Aquaman

    ★★½

    I have so many mixed feelings because Aquaman is honestly a complete farce but not in a miserable way like Justice League but in an actually funny way like grown men investing $160 million into a goofy Saturday morning cartoon about magical sea people with both insanely creative environments and occasionally atrocious green screen and editing and it takes itself super super cereal except when Jason Momoa tries to make jokes which are pathetic but then because they’re pathetic they’re…

  • The House That Jack Built

    The House That Jack Built

    ★★★½

    Until this film, I’ve always been of the belief that judgement of art itself should be entirely separated from the people and the circumstances by which it is created. Recently with the wave of Hollywood sexual misconduct allegations, certain people that were once fans of the films of these artists are now skewering the people and their works alike. While in this circumstance I think that choice is nonsensical, never has the boundary between the moral representativeness of art and…

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  • The Dirt

    The Dirt

    ★★

    Way to ctrl c, ctrl v the Motley Crue Wikipedia page while admittedly making up a few details along the way. Oh and let’s not forget Ozzy Osbourne slurping piss off a pool deck.

  • The Darjeeling Limited

    The Darjeeling Limited

    ★★★

    “Fucking hipster bullshit.”- Uwe Boll

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  • The Dark Knight Rises

    The Dark Knight Rises

    ★★★★

    Inconsistencies and conveniences aside, it's still fucking epic.

    Also, if you hated Tom Hardy as Bane, we simply can't be friends. He's menacing, brutal, and never stops inspiring me to remember to work traps at the gym.

  • Blade Runner 2049

    Blade Runner 2049

    ★★★★½

    The fact this film failed at the box office proves we don’t deserve nice things.