Inconsistent is my middle name
There’s a relentlessly funny stretch of this movie, starting around the time the comic relief character Emilio exclaims “Holy tomato!” and ending when Anthony Bourdain gets gunned-down by an army of Quan Chis.
In that fleeting moment, I gazed into the Stygian abyss of Uwe Boll’s mind… and I think I saw it staring back at me.
Star Wars: Episode V
The Empire Strikes Back
Makes original recipe Star Wars look like it has the emotional complexity of Green Eggs & Ham, and I love original recipe Star Wars.
What a glow-up. Excellent work. This is a real Wrath of Khan situation where the camera’s dynamism slaps you in the face within the first two seconds. Painterly, dramatic, excellent. One of the best looking blockbusters ever.
Lightsaber fights: 9/10
Gorgeous and intense, full of character,…
Star Wars: Episode IV:
A New Hope
The story of original recipe Star Wars isn’t usually considered its crowning jewel, but upon another rewatch I think it wound up as a surprisingly elegant distillation of a million crazy ideas. Sure, it’s very simple and has a lot of conveniences and quirks (The people who raised me just died! Okay, let’s go. My whole planet exploded! Moving on.), but it nails everything a kids/family adventure movie needs to nail:…