Spider-Man: Far from Home

Spider-Man: Far from Home

Almost the vulgar, unbearable antithesis to John Carpenter's seminal They Live: don't believe what your eyes can clearly observe around you, believe only what we want you to believe. On the text, it's a shallow Iron Man Jr. pseudo-adventure with teeny-bopper drama, cheap dollar-store humor and over-lit and weightless digital action. In other words, it's every blockbuster coming out this summer. Everything is a joke in this movie. Character development and maturation? Joke. Couples getting together? Joke. Cities destroyed? Joke. Only the jokes aren't proper jokes in Disney Channel's Far from Home. But you already knew that before going in...

On the subtext, however, oh boy: drones, false flag incidents, terrorist bombings in Europe, #FakeNews, quoting Orwell out of context to twist the point? Di$ney is sparing no expense on hammering everyone with their ruling class worldview. The Marvel films have been decidedly neo-liberal, pro-establishment, pro-status quo, ever since the Mouse took over in 2012, but lately they have been swinging for the ideological fences in either arrogance or desperation - time will tell. Drones, holograms and mass surveillance are bad when blue-collar meanies (Quentin Beck/Mysterio and Adrian Toomes/Vulture) get ahold of them, but not when employed by the benevolent billionaire technocrat Tony Stark and his teenage heir apparent. Happy Hogan tracks down the location of teenagers through their live-stream - but it's only because he has to save them, guys!

Yeah... it's getting gross to even think about any of this and that's why the shills actively implore you to "Just have fun! It's a summer blast! Turn your brain off and enjoy, don't be such a snob!". Well, I'm not going to and I'm done giving this pig slop a pass because Tom Holland seems like a likable dude and Jake Gyllenhaal is decent even in a cash-grab role. If you pay for this movie and complain, you're part of the problem. If you pay for it and wholeheartedly embrace the corporate overlords, I say PUT ON THESE GLASSES OR START EATING THAT TRASH CAN!!!

P.S. If bringing back fan favorite character actor J.K. Simmons back to reprise his iconic 1930's newspaperman role from the nostalgic Raimi films, while simultaneously turning him into a "timely"... Alex Jones (!) parody, doesn't showcase Disney's hubris about the ubiquity of the Marvel brand, I don't know what does...

P.S.2. If you think I'm being "subjective" and "biased", ask yourself this: why did you hate and make fun of the fact that all the Spider-Man villains came out of Oscorp in the Andrew Garfield movies, but continue to give a total pass to them being ex-Stark Industries employees or rivals? Kevin Feige has you by the balls, doesn't he?