Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker ★★

This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

This review may contain spoilers.

This one is sure to be divisive! It'll be a split between intellectuals who are real fans with large brains and dumb idiots with bad opinions and small brains.

In it's best moments it took me back to old school adventure vibe of the OT when all our new buddies finally got together and hopped around some planets . At worst it's big budget saltier than crait fan fiction.

It's staggering how little cohesion is in this trilogy. They either should have mapped this out ahead of time or let a new director take over each film and give his own unique take (ala the first three Mission Impossible films..hey another series Abrams fucked up...not a fan!).

I have no idea how anything in this universe works anymore? Particularly force wise. What a cavalcade of nonsense. And since apparently they can just bring anyone back to life (which I thought was a dark sith power?), Rey should not give in to her hate and instead bring Palpatine back to life so he can have a fair trial.

Also it is so unrealistic! Everyone knows you inherit lighting powers from your mother's side!!

For all the talk of Rian Johnson upending the plot threads of TFA and backing the third film into a corner, I felt like he opened up the universe and gave Disney a great opportunity to find new ways to tell Star Wars stories. Abrams decided to do the opposite, and may have backed this franchise off a cliff. Welp, the Saga is over and surely they will never make another one and we'll never see any of these people again.

DOESSSSSSSSSSSSS NOT SLAPP!

Also #justiceforrose! My god. I hope you all come to see MY Star Wars film "Rise of Rose" when you find out she's the granddaughter of Salacious Crumb's chauffeur.

Also also they ruined the breakout star of Last Jedi, SNOKE. Okay maybe a controversial view, hear me out. The guy LOVES being a villain. He wears an extravagant gold robe, sits in a red room, talks a big game like he's the ultimate big bad but can't even stay alive for half a trilogy. He ruled! Now he's just a disposable Palpatine clone? He's ONLY funny to me if he's supposed to be the new Emperor and then gets too caught up in the fun of it and gets himself merked. Check out my other new Star Wars movie "The Force is Retconned" where we follow the wacky adventures of Poe Dameron when he's forced to become the legal guardian of a dozen Baby Snokes.

Last scene was nice. :)

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