Synecdoche, New York

Synecdoche, New York ★★★★★

It feels like every day my heart can't stop breaking.

Right now, just over one month after their first fatality, there are over 10,000 people in New York alone who have died from this pandemic we're currently living in. 10,000 lives, Gone in a month. To put that in perspective that is three 9/11s in one month. Exclusive to New York.

Think about your life. Think about how many people you've known. Think about all the emotions you've felt with and without the company of those people. Every single experience you have ever had is just one of those 10,000 lives, all living under completely different circumstances, desperately trying to hold onto whatever the hell THIS is.

It feels like we're completely, inescapably surrounded by death in the middle of all this, but in reality, it's only made us confront our mortality that was already in front of us to begin with. We're all going to die, virus or no virus. There's only ever been borrowed time for us and as we age, time seems to move faster than it did before. Every now and then it seems like the days slip through your fingers more when you're not paying attention. A watched pot never boils, right?

So what do we do? Sit back and panic at our unknown expiration date every day? Do we allow ourselves to enjoy our free time? Do we risk letting ourselves open up to people who may not even understand us, or just wallow in our misery thinking about how there's no literal point to it all?

I'm not going to act like I have any sort of answer. I'd be a hypocrite to say "just enjoy yourself" when I've fallen into several pits in my life where I couldn't enjoy myself if I tried. I still struggle with alcoholism and haven't gone more than a week without a drink in over a year. More often than not, it's several days in a row. Who am I to tell anyone how life ought to be lived?

I'm not a religious man, so I've got to hold onto what I know for sure. Here's what I do know.

-I am living with the love of my life I thought would never come and we're almost eight years in going strong. Every single moment I spend with her is a gift.

-I'm living closer to a place where I can pursue my passions when this thing clears.

-I've got the best friends in the whole world and they've been supporting the hell out of me, even on my bad days. I'm so thankful that they're not afraid to say when I've gone too far with my bad habits.

-I live in the year 2020, so I've got all the entertainment I could ever want at my fingertips.

Even if I don't speak to you on a daily basis, I hope you and your loved ones are doing okay. Everyone in the world is in this together and nobody deserves to live in fear. Love one another the best you can.

Also, watch Synecdoche, New York because it's 10 AM at the time I'm writing this and I think it lit my brain on fire.

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