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Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2022
Fede Álvarez is a fucking hack and whatever potential followed him through Evil Dead, whatever good will survived the turkey baster assault of Don't Breathe, terminates here in the writing of an insipid Texas Chainsaw legacy sequel which is such a nadir of the form it barely deserves its quiet release on Netflix, America's favorite virtual Pacific Garbage Patch. To call it moronic is an insult to morons the world over; to call it ill-conceived is to suggest anyone involved with…
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Matilda 1996
Roald Dahl's exhausting mind-body moralizing made all the more grotesque by DeVito's direction; blown up to insane tactility with endless close-ups and sweat and food slime inserts more discomforting than any John Waters film. Add some onerous pacing and a Lovitz jumpscare to complete the stink. Did not enjoy.
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The Kirlian Witness 1979
Completely strange but extremely sincere small-scale murder-mystery nearly-noir about psychic houseplant auras and vegetation communication. Golden nugget of '70s New Age paranormal kitsch for fans of Mort Garson's Plantasia and the like; could almost be a decent X-Files episode.
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Disney's FastPass: A Complicated History 2021
Contains the most earth-shaking and possibly only theme park queue line metrics-based plot twist in video essay history.
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Southland Tales 2006
The collapse of a culture, overfed by information, with no identity beyond the narratives someone else has prepackaged and sold. So ahead of the curve that it continues to age into perfection (the Supreme Court bit!!), or at least reflects how far we've failed to come. When will the American mainstream ever get something this relentlessly creative, idiosyncratic, and politically angry in theaters again? Richard Kelly gave us the world and we turned up our noses like spoiled dogs.
"This is Deepthroat 2. The bitch is back."
