Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers

Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers ½

Hated hated hated it. Knew it wasn't my cup of tea but BiNGU requires a "movie r/moviedetails loses their shit over," and unsurprisingly the Disney adult demographic is already blowing up this miserable hackjob for ten grillion ElonPoints per screencap or whatever. It's one thing to put a literal children's film on the Letterboxd chopping block but this is so incredibly poorly constructed, so toothless, and so hyper-targeted for enjoyment by thirty-somethings with more Funko Pops than brain cells that I think criticism is warranted. The main thing is that this movie is nothing. Disney releasing a comedy film purporting to take shots at IP domination is like in Matrix Reloaded where the Architect reveals they let Zion be built because the control system requires certain amounts of resistance. Whatever Lonely Island stylings or anarchic toonworld spirits linger here exist in the same way a rare butterfly exists pinned and dead behind glass. The fake 2D 3D on the main characters is so unspeakably fucking ugly; 90% of the movie looks like a Telltale mobile port. No visual imagination, no joy, no sense of energy; barely even jokes beyond the cameos and bits required to light up a brain's recognition node. Hated it. Vacant shell of a film. Roger Rabbit's cameo in the first five minutes made me so unspeakably depressed that I considering stopping it right there. Not like this, man. Not like this.