• One Million Years B.C.

    One Million Years B.C.

    ★★★½

    Need to look at adding ‘was nearly eaten by a dinosaur’, ‘became the leader of a tribe,’ ‘fought to the death with my brother’, ‘watched ape people cannibalise each other’, ‘met the love of my life’, ‘discovered the existence of other sentient beings’, and ‘survived an 11.0 earthquake that killed half of everyone I know’ to my list of things of things I did on the weekend when I talk to my workmates on Monday mornings.

  • Sonic the Hedgehog

    Sonic the Hedgehog

    ★★½

    Eh I just imagined I was 10 while watching this and enjoyed it enough as a result. I love Jim Carrey and he stole the show but also all I was was Sonic vs Jim Carrey like they really really ignored the games on characterising Robotnik.

  • King Arthur: Legend of the Sword

    King Arthur: Legend of the Sword

    ★★★

    I remember the trailer for this and not even being able to watch it thinking it would be the biggest bloatiest snooze fest but when my friend asked if I wanted to want a Guy Ritchie film I didn’t expect to be watching this. I’ve never felt like I’ve needed Snatch in a medieval skin but I really had quite a suitable amount of fun with it.

  • Southland Tales

    Southland Tales

    ★★★★½

    I’m floored. This is probably the most tonally intense film I’ve ever seen. Also probably the most uncanny and daunting satire I’ve ever seen.

  • Project Power

    Project Power

    ★★½

    The most quintessential summation of modern, mainstream Netflix-culture cinema I could have ever imagined and there’s definitely something pure about that notion that I appreciated and enjoyed.

  • I Don't Feel at Home in This World Anymore

    I Don't Feel at Home in This World Anymore

    ★★★½

    I never realised I needed a wee Elijah Wood in my life until now. Know where I can get one?

  • Batman Ninja

    Batman Ninja

    ★★½

    For most of it I thought Batman Ninja was pretty stupid and I didn’t like the animation style, but then it hit a special level of ridiculousness that I had no choice but to stop caring and have some fun with it

  • Pokémon Detective Pikachu

    Pokémon Detective Pikachu

    ★★★★

    This undoubtedly would have been 8 year old me’s favourite movie

  • City Girl

    City Girl

    ★★★★½

    Geez men truly are pathetic creatures aren’t we

  • The Raid

    The Raid

    ★★★★★

    One of the most kinetic, balls to the walls action films of all time. Not just for the body count or the general fact that there is a lot of action, but in the camera work, stunts, choreography, and overall editing and tone.

  • Kickboxer

    Kickboxer

    ★★★

    1 star for JCVD’s outrageously toned biceps
    1 star for JCVD’s ability to convincingly look like he’s not a master kickboxer
    1 star for JCVD’s sweet dance moves that literally attracted girls like a magnet

    The rest of the movie is pretty terrible though to be honest

  • The Butterfly Effect

    The Butterfly Effect

    ★★½

    Honestly how come every time Ashton Kutcher goes back in time instead of subtling tweaking his actions to change the future he immediately just says or does some absolute psycho shit?
    Definitely an entertaining psychological thriller with an intriguing concept but suffers from being too dumb, too gaudy, too poorly made, and so desperate to be edgy it doesn’t just throw every possible morally fucked up scenario at you, it literally compares itself to ‘ Se7en’ by commenting how fucked up that film was for its time.