• Halloween II

    Halloween II

    When ghost mommy says “only a river of blood can reunite our family” what’s a psychopath to do?

    So “in this episode” they:
    ~Decide to make Laurie and Dr. Loomis so unlikable that you are eager for Michael to kill them
    ~Did Annie dirty, not even giving her a quality death scene
    ~Introduced some weird psychic paranormal ghost bond

    THE. FUCK?

    So wretchedly bad

  • Gerald's Game

    Gerald's Game

    *Internal Monologue*
    “Just watch it already”
    “But I don’t think I’m going to like it”
    “It’s got mostly good ratings on Letterboxd”
    “I just don’t think that premise can lead to anything I will enjoy”
    “But it’s so popular, what if you’re missing out?”
    “Ok fine”

    *entire movie is boredom, grossness, and uncomfortable/awkward/painful thoughts and memories*

    🤦🏻‍♂️

  • Books of Blood

    Books of Blood

    ★★★★

    Fuck that first story… all that overemphasized chewing, crunching, slurping, swallowing, gulping… 😳 I think it gave me a complex 🤬


    This does not seem to be popular, but I really enjoyed it! Other than Trick 'r Treat I have horrible luck with anthologies (normally I don't like any of them), but this was great! Several parts landed very well for me, and each story kept me engaged the whole time.

  • Candyman

    Candyman

    ★★★½

    I don’t know about you, but this movie convinced me to switch to Candyman. The service is WAY better than Bloody Mary... faster response time, open 24/7, higher quality, helps replenish the bee population, and supports a black owned business.

    I LOVE the social message driving this movie… but the movie itself felt mundane, and slightly muddled. Averaging the 2…

    Verdict: Good

  • Tucker and Dale vs. Evil

    Tucker and Dale vs. Evil

    ★★★★★

    "He looks like he's gonna walk it off, he's gonna be fine"
    ~Tucker

    Simply the most charming and quotable slasher comedy out there 🖤

  • Willy's Wonderland

    Willy's Wonderland

    ★★★★★

    Want to know one of the most dangerous places to be during a horror movie?
    The FRIEND ZONE! That shit will get you killed


    Yes I watched this again
    Yes I bumped it up to 5⭐
    Yes I believe this just might be the best performance of Nic Cage's career
    Yes it is now currently #23 on my all time
    Halloween and Horror Favorites

    Come @ me
    I will urinal stomp you like an animatronic gorilla

  • Scream

    Scream

    ★★★★★

    Go ahead. Name a better horror movie intro than Drew Barrymore playing a deadly game of horror movie trivia with a psychopath over a portable landline phone. I’ll wait.

    #iconic

    I officially have to bump this to 5⭐

  • The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It

    The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It

    ★★★★

    I mean, the mysterious waterbed left behind by the previous owners should have been a dead give away that evil shit was about to go down

    I am glad it did not go the courtroom drama route, I didn't particularly want to watch the Warrens star in an Exorcism of Emily Rose clone (I love that movie, so no shade intended). It didn't capture the tone or intensity of the previous 2 , but even still, it was creepy and engaging, and managed to avoid telling the "same story, different family"


    🖤 *When Ed offers to introduce the defense attorney to Annabelle* 🖤 🤣

  • The Curse of La Llorona

    The Curse of La Llorona

    ★★½

    *Eggs spin around on their own then explode in a bloody mess all over everybody*

    Sassy little girl: "Did you see that on Carson [too]?"

    Ouch… this did not hold up well to a 2nd viewing. Dropped down 1.5⭐ to just “Ok”

  • Halloween

    Halloween

    ★★★½

    How long can one run around and hide inside the walls and ceiling of a decrepit house whilst being chased by Michael Meyers? I think the Laurie Strode in this movie set the record

    I very much prefer the modern feel of this reboot to the original, BUT, it just doesn’t have the impact or gravitas of the original, and so it falls a little shy. Still a good slasher!

  • Get Duked!

    Get Duked!

    ★★★½

    Duncan on phone with cops: "We're being chased by a pedo psycho with a gun!"

    Ian:"You can't just go around calling people pedos"

    Duncan on phone: "We're being chased by a psycho with a gun, but we're still trying to figure out if he fancies us"

    *All Hail Duncan*

    Is this ridiculous and stupid? Yes
    Is it also hilarious? Yes
    Is Duncan a closet genius with impulse control? Yes

  • The Nun

    The Nun

    ★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    So many questions...

    Why zombie nuns?
    How do they make ANY sense in the universe?
    Bombs can accidentally open a gate to Hell?
    WHY split up to close said gate to Hell?
    Why didn't the Vatican just send Buffy?


    I really like the setting and atmosphere, but the ending just kinda falls apart for me. This fell a whole star for me on this viewing.