F9 ★½

Paul Walker: Gone

Dwayne Johnson: Gone

Jason Statham: Gone

Sung Kang (Han): Appearance makes you realize that nothing in this shit matters.

Gal Gadot: Based on the above, I assume she will be back for F10.

Kurt Russell: Everytime someone said ‘Mr. Nobody’ I cringed. Such a stupid name!

Charlize Theron: 2 day shoot in a small see through cell with no toilet.

John Cena: Not Dwayne Johnson

The ‘Tokyo Drift Crew’: Apparently hooked on crack for the last 15 years.

Cardi B: Cringe level - Ed Sheeran on GOT.

Gratuitous flashback retcon: So much gratuitous flashback retcon!

Big action set pieces involving cars: Replaced by gratuitous flashback retcon.

Magnets: Ok, those were pretty cool!

Vin Diesel: Reminiscent of a smug penis.

Dave Taylor: Watched the first half and started falling asleep. Came back another day and fell asleep though the finale. Watched the Blu ray special features then tried to watch the finale again and fell asleep. Then finally made it through the Goddamn thing!

The journey to F9 was like driving to Walley World only to find it closed for renovations.

F&F Ranked:
Fast Five

Furious 7

Fast and Furious 6

Hobbs and Shaw

The Fast and The Furious

The Fate and the Furious

2 Fast 2 Furious

Tokyo Drift

Fast & Furious

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