• Eternals

    Eternals

    ★★

    Disney’s Marvel’s Zack Snyder’s Justice League feat. One Direction

  • Don't Look Up

    Don't Look Up

    Makes me long for the days of the “Imagine” video because at least that wasn’t over two hours long.

  • Dear Evan Hansen

    Dear Evan Hansen

    ★½

    At the height of its popularity, when I was 19 and knew the songs by heart, Dear Evan Hansen was the pinnacle of the Tumblr era: it didn't matter what you said or did as long as you tried your best and had something meaningful to say. Now, as the eve of its fall from grace has neared its end, and I am 23 and still know the songs, it is the pinnacle of remembering the Tumblr era: the road to hell is paved with good intentions and a bad wig. Much like Ben Platt, we're all too old for Evan Hansen.

  • Old

    Old

    Okay, haha, very funny everyone, we've all had a good laugh about this movie, it was a good bit, I thought for a second that this actually had something interesting to say, and I'll take that egg on my face. Like most of Shyamalan's most interesting and most divisive work, Old seems to be designed exclusively for viewers who think they're better than their peers because their taste is less conventional. Maybe not since Lady in the Water have I…

  • Cinderella

    Cinderella

    Fetch me the rat poison

  • The Green Knight

    The Green Knight

    ★★★★★

    The world shall always find itself bending to the whims of decent men
    And yet, the veiled eyes of great men find no comfort in such contortion
    And when a world for decent men and a path crafted by great men intersect…
    Chaos reigns

  • Reminiscence

    Reminiscence

    ★★½

    As the cult of creation borne from Christopher Nolan’s success grows, it becomes easier and easier to find connective tissue to Nolan’s success and appeal. The first movie that really sparked this in me is the ambitious, well-cast, and mediocre Transcendence, by (at the time) Nolan’s in house cinematographer Wally Pfizer. It’s a movie that wraps its conventionality in superficial weirdness, finding itself as a pretty perfect case study for those interested in techno-thrillers. Now we have another entry. Reminiscence,…

  • A Quiet Place Part II

    A Quiet Place Part II

    ★★★½

    John Krasinski: Hey honey I’m gonna make a super successful action-horror franchise and cast you in it!

    Emily Blunt: That’s great! Who do I play?

    JK: The most boring character in your whole career.

    EB: You know I was in Gulliver’s Travels, right?

    JK: *scribbling another scene where Millicent Simmons does something badass* Sorry honey, Halpert’s in the zone.

  • Army of the Dead

    Army of the Dead

    ★★½

    You know what? I'm pretty impressed with Snyder, walking away from his tropes and making a tight 90 minute heist horror-comedy that doesn't meander around and goes back to the silly roots of the...wait, this movie is 148 minutes? This is still probably the closest to a good movie I've seen from Snyder in my adult life, because there are moments of this that are legitimately really fun, and Bautista is the right kind of charismatic for such a self-serious…

  • Run Hide Fight

    Run Hide Fight

    The type of film that asks you to engage with it on its own level, and in the name of fairness, as a mediocre action film that apes Elephant and Polytechnique, it's...watchable I guess? But as a piece of modernist commentary, it's not just insulting on what it's trying to say, but it's an absolute failure as an argument in the film's favor. There will be people saying it's not trying to be political, which is categorically untrue as it's…

  • Happily

    Happily

    ★★★★½

    I am embargoed and will not be saying anything about the quality of this film. On a completely unrelated note that legally cannot be connected to this film's content or quality, in the event that someone had a very painful weekend making an amateur film, and they were lucky enough to receive a review screener for a commercial work that spoke so directly to that person's experience and conflicting feelings about those this person loves so very much, that unidentified…

  • The Prom

    The Prom

    An abridged version of a text I sent to @crduffy97 while watching this:

    "So Barry dancing with his younger self at the prom he never got to go to: that is why I love musical theater. It’s poetry and pop in time with each other, loving the impossible, across time and space. It’s how life feels and not how it is. It’s freedom from convention and pretension. It’s literally “hating convention hating pretension, not to mention of course hating dear…