Don't Breathe

Don't Breathe ★★

35/100
So lovingly crafted that I almost feel bad saying that it's scare-less emptiness. That is to say, one can feel the glee and attentiveness with which Alvarez subjects torment upon torment on his characters, just not any sort of fear or suspense out of the scenarios. This is an ineffective exercise, becoming queasily exploitive in its third act at that.
Notes: 
• All of you folks who are praising the long-take house-scan are the same folks who praise Wan and Collett-Sera when they do the same thing (I'm not buying this idea of horror shlock-teurs, although I think Wan's got chops). Yes, Alvarez does take time to highlight several Chekhov's guns, but a much more successful thriller like 10 Cloverfield Lane could do that without showiness.
• There's some Detroit economic stuff here for about three seconds, ripped straight from It Follows.
• Some really hacky Screenwriting 101 in this. "What if we had this girl find strength in ladybugs, only to have a ladybug come around at the end to provide her with strength?" (Slight bias, as I think ladybugs are terrifying.)
• The supposed ominousness of the ending doesn't even make any sense. 
• Stephen Lang's creepy voice sounds like a frog on menthols.

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