Jack Reacher ★★½

i liked this movie because it was 2 hours of tom cruise mind-fucking people. a typical scene:

Jack Reacher: "does shelly work here?"
Random Vaguely Evil N00B: "she's not in today."
Jack Reacher: "thanks, now i know she works here. you've been #REACHED!"

and then when he's not mind-fucking people, Werner Herzog shows up to talk about eating his own fingers or something. "what do mysterious super villains dream about?" i was hoping when he was inevitably shot he'd be all like "it is an insignificant bullet." oh well. i'm pretty sure Herzog agreed to do it because the movie was filmed in the one place he'd always been too afraid to set a production: Pittsburgh.

i had no idea what was happening during most of this movie, or where robert duvall came from or how rosamund pike's décolletage seemed to need a supporting actor of its own or why they needed to murder that poor girl but only after hitting on her first, but... whatever.

this is a movie and i saw it.